Read This Tip To Eliminate low self esteem

There’s a term for plus size foot girls in Lagos and it’s called ‘no size in London’.

I have been called that so many times that when I go shopping and people try to sell my shoes, I just tell them not to bother because they can never have my size.

I started using a size Us12/Uk10/43 in J.S.S 3 and shoe shopping was never fun especially at Lagos market. I heard a lot of ‘ah, ki lo de, shey okunrin ni e ni’ and so on. The guys especially told me to get a carpenter to make my shoes. They were so mean! Sometimes I had to settle for boyish shoes just to have something to wear.

It was the worst for me. It took a lot for me to not to cry, sometimes I just laughed it off but it hurt a lot.

I turned my attention to sneakers mainly because they were the only shoes I could find my size in and because they covered my feet, you couldn’t tell I was a plus size girls in sneakers but you could tell in sandals.

Today, I had to wear a couple of shoes for a mini shoot at work, I was panicking because I knew how my feet will look like, big and ugly. We had previously done a mini shoot and my feet looked so big-jeez! I had my colleague delete so many, she got frustrated at a point and told me that my mind had been wired to think my feet was ugly. That sort of calmed me down and I allowed her to take a couple of more shots of my feet, it took a lot for me not to delete them but I didn’t and I am glad I kept them.

You know what I was fearful of wasn’t the fact that I have a plus size feet, I was more fearful “what people will say when they see pictures of my feet” as it has always been.

What will people think of my feet?

What will people think of my weight?

What will people think of my …..(Slot yours in)

The devil’s primary aim is to shift your focus. The bible says he comes to steal, to kill and to destroy the only way he can do any of these is if he can shift your attention from Jesus to your problems.

The moment Peters attention shifted from Jesus to his what was going on around him, he began to drown and that’s what happens really when you focus on your problems you begin to drown in them. When you focus on your looks and what people may or may not say about them you begin to get immersed in the external-the things that will pass away.

Don’t get me wrong, I am for looking your best-apply makeup if you have to, lose weight before you get obese but don’t be so consumed by them because “fixing things won’t make you happy”. Jesus is the only one that can make you happy.

So takes your eyes away from the external and focus on Jesus. When your eyes are fixed on Jesus the external doesn’t matter as much, you may have insecurities or uncertainties in some areas but at the end of the day, you know that what the Word of God says about you holds true.

I may have gigantic feet but I am fearfully and wonderfully made Glory to God!

 

I finally settled on these ones. They were taken from afar so they aren’t unpleasant to the eyes.

P.s How amazing is it that I work for a plus size Shoe store 😩

Jesus has a sense of humour

Only 2% of Women Think They Are Beautiful

The Real Truth About Beauty study was commissioned by Dove, to further the global understanding of women, beauty and well-being – and the relationship between them. It had its genesis in a growing concern that portrayals of female beauty in popular culture were helping to perpetuate an idea of beauty that was neither authentic nor attainable. Dove was concerned that this limited portrayal of beauty was preventing women from recognizing and enjoying beauty in themselves and others.

The Real Truth About Beauty findings is based on quantitative data collected from a global study of 3,200 women, aged 18 to 64. Interviews were conducted across ten countries: the U.S., Canada, Great Britain, Italy, France, Portugal, Netherlands, Brazil, Argentina and Japan.

Here are some key findings from The Real Truth About Beauty

• Only 4% of women around the world consider themselves beautiful (up from 2% in 2004)

• Only 11% of girls globally are comfortable describing themselves as ‘beautiful’

• 72% of girls feel tremendous pressure to be beautiful

• 80% of women agree that every woman has something about her that is beautiful, but do not see their own beauty

• More than half of women globally (54%) agree that when it comes to how they look, they are their own worst beauty critic

“Dove believes every woman has the potential to look and feel her best,” said Dove marketing manager Kate Swan. “We feel the most beautiful women are not necessarily those born with the most, but those that make the most of what they have with simple everyday care.”

To help inspire women to think of themselves as beautiful, Dove has also teamed up with psychologist Nancy Etcoff and self-esteem expert Tara Cousineau to create a “Mindful Me” tool kit as part of its campaign. Check out Dove’s Tumblr page for more.

King Women: Sexual Abuse, Low Self Esteem and Jesus

“I Was Sexually Abused Right Under My Mother’s Nose”- Ayodeji Megbope

Oppression, depression, obsession and the likes of them are all tactics of the devil to hinder us from enjoying the benefits of the cross. Low self esteem, low self worth, timidity, fear, suicidal thoughts, sin and the likes of them are all blindfolds to stop our manifestation.

Break free! Yes you can! Who says you can’t? By yourself you can’t but with Jesus, you super can!!! Romans 8:12
Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh.

Come, there’s a better life, there’s a higher way. It might not be the most popular but I can assure you it’s the most secure, if might not be the fastest way but I can assure you it’s the safest. It’s might not be the trendiest but I can assure you it’s where you find eternal rest.

Jesus is the Way, the Truth and He is Life.

There is nothing that has been done to you, nothing you have done, nothing….absolutely nothing can disqualify you from His love.

 

Ayodeji Oluyemisi Megbope, is the CEO of No Left Overs Nig. Ltd– a full scale catering outfit which started with a take-off capital of N1,000 but today has an annual turn-over that runs into millions of naira. She was one of the first women worldwide to benefit from the 10,000 Women Initiative –set up to empower 10,000 underserviced women worldwide with formal business skills and education. Today she is an ambassador of the 10,000 Women Initiative; she has graced numerous local and international platforms and thus become an inspiration to many. The origin of “No Left Overs”

 

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

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My Boyfriend is Married

Hi guys,
Sorry for not writing for a few months I have been too busy and too exhausted. Plus I don’t have a laptop anymore and my phone is standing on its last legs.
I was in a relationship for roughly a year and in my mind’s eye it was perfect, and even though no one in my family liked him, I just believed that he was it.
He had been on my case for over a year, calling every day, always wanting to see me and all of that. But, because I had just gone through a bad breakup I wasn’t ready, I was an emotional mess, happy one minute sad the next. I eventually stopped talking to him because I felt rushed. Few months down the line, he called me from nowhere, we started talking again and that was it. I decided to love him-you know some people believe that you fall in love, I don’t believe that anymore, love is a choice, I can decide to love you and I can decide to stop loving you when it becomes a toxic relationship.
Our relationship was ‘long distance’, he stayed about an hour away and he tried to come as many times as he could. I was in heaven, planning our wedding. We had decided on the number of children we would have. He had met my mum, met my grandma, it was just good and then he soon disappeared.
I would call and he wouldn’t pick. There was a day I called so much that he had to send me a message that I was killing his battery. That just fuelled my indignation-I called the more until the phone went dead. I will never forget those days, I wasn’t sleeping I would stay awake and cry, I lost so much weight and even though I had my happy face I was dying on the inside from wondering what I did wrong because in my mind’s eye, the problem could never have come from him- he loved me too much, I must have done something.
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I went on my knees, I remember crying so much. The best heart mender is Jesus. I cried so much and then I let him go. I couldn’t do it anymore; I was harming myself and my body. It was one of the most painful things I ever had to do.
Do you know that after I called it off he only sent a message once and that was two weeks later. I remember clearly what he wrote.”Hi stranger”
You would think that would give me a clue to how he truly felt. I just held on the old him, the guy that was on my case for over a year, and the one that wouldn’t want to get off the phone even if he had a meeting. That’s the guy my mind held on to.
In case you are wondering, I never replied the text.
That was 2016.
Fast-forward to 2017, I was so pumped about Jesus’ plans for my plan and the exploits I would do. I was going to cause havoc to the kingdom of darkness. All of a sudden I heard his name. I had completely forgotten about him and now started hearing his name, consistently. When I knew I had to reach out was when I started having dreams and hearing his name when I prayed.
I should have just left it at prayer.
We got talking; he apologized for what he did and spun a lie about having financial issues.

So we picked up from where we left off, I remember my family being so angry. So angry because they knew how much he had hurt me but I categorically told them he was the one for me.
It was amazing until I got a text message from his wife, with his phone, at 3.00 a.m.
My world crashed.
Apparently, the person I was planning to get married to was already married and blessed with a child. A very beautiful eight month old whom I never knew existed.
The worst part was finding out the day after my birthday.
It took a lot to get me to let him go, I still believed him when he told me they were getting a divorce and he didn’t love her.
I still believed him.
There’s nothing I didn’t do to justify our relationship.
He was divorced.
He didn’t love her
He loved only me
He will love only me
I didn’t know.
Sweetheart,
He can tell you that they are divorced but God restores marriages.
He can tell you that he doesn’t love her but he loved her enough to marry her.
He can tell you that she got pregnant before marriage but that just means that he isn’t truly a Christian and he might knock you up just like he did with her.
He might tell you that he will love you forever but it is with those lips that he promised and even swore to God that he will love her till death do them part.
Love has boundaries, and one boundary is that married people are off. You do not break someone else’s home no matter how much you have invested into it. You do not do that.
There are too many men in the world;
God is such a good Father

• Do you really think He cannot give you your own man?

• Do you really think that He is not enough for you?

• Do you really think that that is His perfect will for you?
The three weeks following this event was a defining moment for me  I couldn’t hear God or I didn’t want to hear what He had to say because even though I was confused and broken I knew what the likely answer would be.
I didn’t want to believe I had spent so much time praying for another woman’s husband, talking with another woman’s husband, depriving a young child from the love of both parents. But it was what I did even though unknowingly, it was what I did.
Two pastors gave me this advice and I hope you let it sink.

• Focus on you

• Focus on Jesus
I spent a lot of time praying, listening to sermons; I even joined in the#HallelujahChallenge. At first, it was difficult because he kept calling and telling me how much he loved me and so many things. However, I decided to stay fixed on God. All of a sudden, I began to feel lighter, lighter and lighter until I was strong enough to let go. I do not know how it happened I literally thought I was going to die if I left him. But I am happy to say that I am not dead.
Now, I look forward to my own husband, my own child, my ministry, my future and look forward to seeing Jesus when He comes again.

King Women-King of Her Self Esteem: Chigul

Chioma Omeruah best known as Chigul is a Nigerian comedian, singer and actress who is known for her accents and comedic characters. In an interview with Premium Times, Chioma said, “It takes a bold, self-confident, love-yourself attitude to get through that (being plus size in a world that favors skinny people), which is what a lot of us are trying to create in ourselves,” she says.

I had heard about Kemi Adetiba‘s series but I just wasn’t moved to watch it until I saw a clip from about submission. I fell in love, I proceeded to watch as many as I could until I came about Chioma’s session. Her session on King Woman touched me, I can’t even begin to say just how much but I believe it will shine light in your darkness and make you understand that you can come out of anything.

According to Overcoming, examples of early experiences that could lead to your thinking badly of yourself include:

  • systematic punishment, neglect or abuse
  • failing to meet parental standards
  • failing to meet peer-group standards
  • being on the receiving end of other people’s stress or distress.
  • belonging to a family or social group that other people are prejudiced towards
  • an absence of praise, warmth, affection or interest
  • being the odd one out, at home or at school.

You may feel like the odd one out, but remember that what makes you odd makes you special to Jesus.

Do you have a question for me or maybe a topic you will like me to address?

Email me at thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

For more on understanding low self-esteem

 

Humility and Commitment, the antidote to low self esteem

According to Killsyouneed, Self-esteem is about how we value ourselves, our perceptions and beliefs in who we are and what we are capable of. Our self-esteem can be misaligned with other people’s perception of who we are. Self-esteem has little to do with actual talent or ability as it is quite for someone who is good at something to have poor self-esteem, while someone who struggles at a particular topic might have good self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem is an essential component for learning. Regardless of age, the self-esteem of a learner facilitates or inhibits learning. (Solomon 1992)

In the article Steps to Improve Self Esteem, one of the causes of low self esteem was identified as poor academic performance.

My name is Angel, and my affair with low self-esteem started since my primary school days. I traced the source to the fact that I wasn’t as brilliant as my peers.

I failed more times than I can count.

Two very distinct things happened that marked me forever.

The first was a time where someone was asking a random question and I gave an answer but she just ignored me and asked someone else the question. We’re were not beefing before so that got me thinking.

“Why didn’t my answer mean much to her?”

“Why was the other girl’s view better than mine?”

I knew that something is definitely wrong.

The second thing was with my report card. One term my report card was a disaster. It was very colorful, so full of red!

What worsened it all was that I attended a public school where the teachers didn’t bother to make you understand what’s been taught. They just assume you know it.

A good friend, Adeyemi Adedoyin Nifemi took out time to put me through the subjects.

I started knowing the subjects and my confidence started growing. I realize that knowledge gives you an edge,

-It will grow your confidence

-It will erase your doubts and fears.

-It add colors to your imagination

– You will begin to believe more in yourself

She helped open my mind to understanding how life works. It was not only in my academics this time but in my spiritual life, health-wise, financially, it cuts across all spheres of life

Yes, being a Christian changed it all. When you read the scriptures and understand the purpose and plans of God for His children, you start to see yourself differently.

Now,

I read with understanding,

I talk with understanding

I relate with understanding

I dream with understanding.

It is not just to pass time but to be conscious that life is about discovering and understanding yourself to fulfil a purpose.

And also helping others do the same.

I recommend that you do two things to overcome low self-esteem and insecurity

  1. Humility – admit you don’t know it and that you need help
  2. Commitment – get connected and committed to people or groups that are designed to help you grow

I have not seen my friend since then, but she will always be a part of my success story.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

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Candi M. Marsh on Overcoming Masturbation and Low Self Esteem

I have always struggled with self-acceptance and completely loving all of myself.  My self-esteem in my younger years was low and as I transition into adulthood it pretty much stayed there.

The home is where most people receive their validation and love (well at least this should be the place!)  However, this was not the case for me.  I was not raise in a traditional two-parent household.  I didn’t have parental figures telling me I was beautiful. None of that was going on!

So naturally, my validation came from the world, I look to see what others thought about me! From my peers and fellow classmates (by no means credible sources). Kids can be cruel and words do hurt.  However, they were only speaking my own insecurities what I had already thought about myself.  I was “too skinny”, “too dark”, and “ugly”.  So when the perceptions I thought of myself was confirmed by others around me, it just became my truth.

I was too skinny, too dark & ugly!

Why do you think your self-esteem was low?

The reason my self-esteem was so low was because I was looking for someone else (outside of Christ) to validate me to tell me that I was beautiful.   I struggled with no one liking me ENOUGH to be in a relationship with me.  Because being in a relationship was the epitome of my “self-acceptance and self-worth.” Being in a relationship with someone meant I was accepted, loved and wanted by someone.  A relationship is what I would always chase but always end up empty handed.

Due to this unhealthy perception I had of myself I would find myself in so many uncompromising situations as it relates to my sexual integrity which would in turn push my self-esteem down even more.  All because I just wanted someone to like me!

Never going as far as having sex, but dang near close enough to not be wearing a promise ring (which I had by the way).  As a Christian girl and now adult this cycle continued.  I knew God and the right things to do but my need for wanting to be liked over ruled what God said or says about me.  Yeah God told me I was beautiful, but that wasn’t enough.  But He is God. He thinks everyone is beautiful.  He made us and created us.  He would never say we were nothing less. What I needed was a physical human being to tell me I was beautiful.

My life came crashing down at the age of 21 when insecurities got the best of me and I was raped.  This just catapulted into a spiral of one poor choice, after another poor choice.  All in the name of wanting someone to like me.  My self-esteem however, reached the all-time lowest point when masturbation became my master.  It ruled over me and I was its slave.

This sexual sin was something that had me stuck in a vicious cycle.  So now not only didn’t men like me enough to be in a relationship, I didn’t like me.  But now I am for sure God didn’t like me either.  How could He, why would He.  I was a mess and disgusted with myself.  Living in silence was also the worst part no one knew I was battling with this addiction alone.  It was eating me up and tearing my self-esteem into micro-mini pieces.

It wasn’t until I started to share my struggle with people I could trusted did I start to work on putting an end to this addiction.  But even then I would still keep making the same mistakes to where I even lost a really good friendship over my addictive habit. This addiction needed to end.  But I knew I couldn’t do it alone.  It was not doing my self-esteem any good and I was starting to loss my identity.  I didn’t know who I was anymore.  Candi?  “Who is she?”  I was lost.

When did you become born again?

I was born and raised a Christian.  Going to church was a normal part of my growing up.  I went to school and I went to church. I enjoyed church and the friends I had while at church.  They accepted me and I never had to prove myself to them.  I was actively involved in church as a child, a teen, and young adult (I sang in the choir, I was a praise dancer, participated in church plays.  Even now as an adult I sing on the praise team.  Church has always been a part of my life.   With that said, even though church was a part of my life, I had not made God, the Lord over my life.  I claim to love Him but I didn’t really believe He could deliver me or love me the way He loved everyone else.  I mean I did all the things (well at least all the things) a Christian should do. I obeyed my grandmother, listen to my teachers, got good grades, never cussed, and did what I was told.  However, this struggle with masturbation created a separation between me and God.  I didn’t know how to get close to Him to build a close relationship with Christ.  God told me one time, “Candi you love me but you don’t know me. Each time I would mess up and fall into sexual immorality. I felt like God didn’t accept me or approve me.  I was reliving my school-age years all over again, now only with Jesus, and this was a tough pill to swallow.  If Jesus didn’t like me than shoot, no one would ever like me. This discourage my heart and left my self-esteem so damaged.

Did that help with your self-esteem?

It was not until about 2 years ago I got serious about my walk with Christ.  I was tired of going through the motions.  I wanted a real relationship with the Lord.  Most importantly I just wanted to be healed and whole.  I was willing to do whatever it took to be healed and whole.  I was desperate, I could not take the pain anymore. In that moment I prayed and I ask God to help me in these areas of masturbation, self-acceptance, and low self-esteem.  He surrounded me with some accountability partners that help me in my journey.  It was during that time I started to really focus on the areas within myself that I had been too afraid to confront.  Rejection and abandonment were my too biggest issues.  I had always been dealing with the symptoms of my problems but not really addressing the root.  I wasn’t until I gave these areas to the Lord that I started to see myself how God views me.  However, do not allow me to mislead you.  This internal transformation did not happen overnight.  I did not stop masturbating right away. There was a process.  However, it wasn’t until I started to see how I was truly effectively my relationship with God that I knew I needed to make some serious changes if I wanted to be healed and whole completely. Till this day I still meet with my accountability partners on a weekly basis to discuss my progress and process.  Today I can confidently say, I don’t need anyone to validate my self-worth. God has and still does call me I am beautiful.

Last month on Feb. 14th, (yes Valentine’s Day) I turned 37 years old I am not in relationship but I am trusting God and I do believe that there is someone in this would who would not only like me but love me.   Now that I have Christ at the center of my life.  All of my value and worth comes from and through Him.  I know what He says about me is true.  He said I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Simply put I am enough!

That’s it!

Game Over; control- alt- delete

Uhm…..okay so where do I began, I think I was 8 no 12, no 11, no I was 10. 
Fourteen is when it all began.  Fourteen is when my life and my identity had been taken over by sin.  The sin of choice? Well it’s called “lust.” I ran track in high school so I left the Holy Spirit in the dust. 
 
Fourteen, I said, is when it all began; when I became attracted to sin, or should I say it became attracted to me, I was young naïve I had not developed my inner beauty.
 
Not fond of my size, my skin or my face, when he said I was beautiful into his arms I embraced.  All I wanted really was my “very first kiss” but I got so much more, the kissed it was nice, then he touched me “down there” I did not like it; it did not feel right.
I knew it was wrong but I was too scared to say anything, so I just played along. Ashamed of my actions; by what had just taken place I told no one because I felt like such a disgrace. I could not bear the look of disapproval on their face.
 Brought up in the church how could I let this be? I am the holy Christian girl; you don’t do “those things.”
  
I keep my secret deep inside; nobody knew but the pain in my heart grew.  The game never ended I kept playing along, I search deep inside myself trying to sing my song, Titled, “Can-di you can be free” but I guess there was a mix tape because I kept singing the sin song “lust lives inside of me.”
 
With each encounter I came across, I played more and more; always thought I was doing good cause I never let them score.
I wore my celibacy ring proud, glad I did not lose my virginity, yet all the while I was losing my identity.
Masking my pain by doing well in school… all “A’s and no C’s;
I felt if I was a “little miss goody two shoes,” no one would see the hurt inside of me. 
If I appeared as if I was fine, then no one would ask.   It was oh so easy putting on the “mask.” “We wear the mask” as Paul Lawrence Dunbar would say; shoot this was easy I wore it all night and all day. 
At the age of 21 the game had changed, I was raped by this older man; I don’t even remember his name. 
I had my support from my friends, and my twin sister Brandi; but I never found the support inside of me.
I hated who I was and I didn’t want it to be; but I played the game so long I thought, “Hey this must be me”  
I suppressed my feelings inside because I had become someone I hate; to the point, I just needed any encounter so I began to masturbate.
I felt like a drug addict; I had to have it, it was a need, a must, there was no escaping this drug of choice, what did I call it? Oh yea… lust!
This cycle repeated again, & again, continuously for years, to the point I stopped shedding tears. 
This is when I became consumed with fear; oh, my God what if I will never be free? Will this spirit of lust always live inside of me?
I would tell my friends, trying to do the right thing. At this point in my life, I knew it was important to have accountability.
 I was tired of the lies! No more secrets! Time to be honest and speak the truth!
 
This was the only way I was going to make it through. 
The truth will set you free. That is what it says in the Word;
I wanted to soar in the sky; I wanted my voice to be heard. 
I was doing good… I was feeling strong… I was finally feeling free;
But as soon as I would meet someone, out jumped that lust inside of me.  Oh no not again, will this sin ever END!
We fall down but we get up, for a saint is just a sinner who fell down, but got up.  How many times must I fall Lord? Will I ever be free?
On the other hand, should I just stay on the ground, for this sin is beating me. 
Defeated; cast down, but I knew I was not destroyed!
All I wanted was to join another Army so yep I enlisted so I would be deployed. Therefore, in the front line I stand with my internal wounds exposed!  I die to my flesh, heart, mind body, and soul.  
I am ready to be free; I need Jesus to take control.
Each day I stand on the front line dying daily to my flesh, each day I don’t sin, I am passing the test.
I am walking in purpose, I am soaring, & sailing the sea, this game is over press the keys end Ctrl- Alt-Delete. I am free! 

Click Candi M. Marsh to follow her on Instagram

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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Body Shaming Is Your Worst Enemy. 5 Ways To Defeat It

Body shaming is a problem for both genders. I believe that most body shamers are people with a lot of insecurities and in a bid to feel better about themselves, they aim at other people. Now, even though body shaming is common in both genders, it is especially harmful to women.

“Body shaming is humiliating, with often painful, long-term consequences. It mocks and stigmatizes its victims, tearing down self-respect and perpetuating the harmful idea that our unique physical appearances should be compared to air-brushed notions of ‘perfect.’ What really matters is our character and humanity.” Los Angeles City Attorney Mike Feuer in the Los Angeles Times said.

All bodies, not matter the size or shape are beautiful, and from what I have noticed on social media, body shaming has not made anyone healthier or happier, it has instead caused us to find something wrong with ourselves and then try to fix what people have told us is broken. I will prefer if we spend all this time energy on realizing our dreams, breaking down walls, scaling through fences, and praying in the Holy Spirit!

Body or fat shaming is one of the most common forms of cyberbullying. Even as I write this article, thinness is viewed by the society as the standard of beauty, so people who deviate from that body type are often ridiculed and made to feel inferior.

Body shaming is defined as inappropriate negative statements and attitudes toward another person’s weight or size. It can also reach into the discrimination against individuals who may be overweight.

It’s really sad that some believe that making overweight people feel ashamed of their weight or eating habits actually helps motivate them to lose weight. It does not!

Psychologists have done a lot of research on this, and body shaming does NOT motivate people, but makes them feel terrible about themselves and actually causes them to eat more and gain more weight.

Body-shaming might not look the way you would imagine. It’s not always as obvious as calling someone too fat or too skinny — sometimes it’s the suggestion that a certain cut of clothing isn’t “flattering” on people built like you. Regardless of the form it takes, one thing that’s for certain is that there is still far, far too much of it. Read 10 Painfully Common Ways Society Tries To Body Shame Women

Women have reached the point that we feel like we aren’t making progress unless we’re actively trying to lose weight. We lose our sense of purpose if we aren’t trying to change ourselves physically. We judge our worth by how we look. But self-love is about not wasting time on negative thoughts. Self-love is about knowing that you are good enough exactly as you are. Shannon Kaiser, 2016

If you don’t like yourself, losing more weight wouldn’t fix it-I’m sorry. The solution is internal and not external. You have to learn to accept their own body.

Therese some steps you can take to like yourself more:

  • Do what and be with who honors and respects you (especially your body)
  • Minimize self-sabotage.
  • Lower your expectations: It’s easy to hate yourself when you keep falling short of your expectations.
  • Read your self-esteem file: My self-esteem file is a manila folder holding the truth about what people feel about people. This comes from friends, readers, teachers, and an occasional family member. It’s a list of your key strengths.
  • Ditch regret
  • Be Held in Prayer
  • Begin your day with love (not your phone): Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed.
  • Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive.
  • Try something new.
  • Work on personal and spiritual development.
  • Be patient with yourself.

Want to stop body shamming? Here are a few ideas how you can stop body-shaming:

  • Encourage and motivate people
  • Report hurtful comments
  • Flag inappropriate content
  • Spread body positivity

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

Lady Gaga Responds to Body Shaming

Despite Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl halftime performance, which included high-flying acrobatics, the parade of hits, and the singer’s commanding stage presence, some trolls took to social media to criticize Lady Gaga’s “belly“.

This incident reminds me of a picture I once took, I was wearing a green dress that my mum had got for me for a family photo shoot and I was so excited when they came out that I didn’t realize that my tummy was “hanging”,trust some trolls to point out that to me-which they did, I eventually took it down but seeing Gaga and knowing that this belly isn’t going anywhere makes me feel a little bit better.

Gaga responded by spreading a positive message to people everywhere who may be feeling insecure about their bodies.

In case you didn’t know, body shaming is the practice of making critical, potentially humiliating comments about a person’s body size or weight.

According to Erika Vargas, Body-shaming (criticizing yourself or others because of some aspect of physical appearance) can lead to a vicious cycle of judgment and criticism.  Messages from the media and from each other often imply that we should want to change, that we should care about looking slimmer, smaller, and tanner.  And if we don’t, we worry that we are at risk of being the target of someone else’s body-shaming comments.

I for one think that the 30 something year old body is fantastic. Shame on body shammers!

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

 

Two Ugly Truths About Sex Before Marriage

As you all know, I always encourage everyone to stay off sex until marriage, I know the damage it can do to you physically and emotionally. This week being Cervical Cancer Awareness month, I have decided to do a post on two dangers of having premarital sex. I hope you love it!

One danger of having premarital is the danger of being exposed to STD’s, some can be treated immediately, while some can lead to more dangerous issues such as Cervical Cancer for a lady. Cervical cancer occurs when abnormal cells on the cervix grow out of control. This cancer can be successfully treated when it is detected early through a Pap test. This type of cancer is caused by a virus called human papillomavirus, or HPV. You can get HPV by having sexual contact with someone who has it. The best way to avoid getting a sexually transmitted infection is to not have sex  if you are single and to stick to your partner if you are. It is not all types of HPV that cause cervical cancer. Some of them cause genital warts, while others may not cause any symptoms. The infection sometimes goes away on its own, cause genital warts or lead to cervical cancer.

This is the sole reason for the importance of regular Pap Smear also called Pap tests. This test can find changes in cervical cells before they turn into cancer. If you treat these cell changes early enough, you may prevent cervical cancer.

Abnormal cervical cell changes rarely cause symptoms. But you may have symptoms if those cell changes grow into cervical cancer. These Symptoms include:

  • Bleeding: bleeding between menstrual periods, after sex, or after menopause.
  • Pain in the lower belly or pelvis.
  • Pain during sex.
  • Vaginal discharge that isn’t normal.

I encourage married women to go for Pap Smear, as the virus that causes cervical cancer is spread through sexual contact. I also encourage married folks to have sex with only their partner.

Apart from the fact that pre-marital sex can lead to cervical cancer, as a Christian, there is a connection between sexual purity and a healthy “life of worship and time of worship”. Nathaniel Bassey took to his Instagram page to teach on how pre-marital sex affects our worship.

First, worship has to be in the beauty of Holiness, that is,  of the heart, mind, and body. In motive and action, because God is Holy.

That’s the reason one of the biggest hindrances to true worship is sexual immorality. You must understand that a sexual activity is in itself an act of worship. In fact, it is the earthly parallel of our spiritual and highest form of relationship with God, worship.

Many of you would agree with me on this, if you are a Christian, I mean, A born again Christian, who loves God and eschews evil, you would have noticed that worshipping God becomes difficult after you fall into a sexual sin. Note, I said sexual sin, as this may not only be limited to just sexual intercourse with the opposite sex. Because sexual sin is one that not only involves your body but your mind and spirit.

In fact, you may have cried and repented, and God being who He is will always forgive, but you would notice having that sweet fellowship and communion becomes a struggle for some time. You know why?

Because the soul which is the seat of our feelings and emotions was disturbed and corrupted. And while God has forgiven you, you nonetheless enter into a struggle within you. Deep in your soul, which is now grappling with a NEW personality. Which is referred to as a soul tie, I’m not talking about people who are habitual sexual sinners here, who have learned and mastered the act of shrugging off any feeling of conviction, because after a while their conscience becomes insensitive and unresponsive. If you are here, please run back to Jesus quickly. I’m talking about sincere lovers of God who have made mistakes or have struggled in this area and battling to be free.

Have you ever wondered why the scripture urges us to FLEE when it comes to sexual sins? The reason is not farfetched.

But here is the good news, there is a way out. JESUS. The blood of Jesus is available to set us free. And as we make a choice to live in holiness, God’s grace comes to strengthen. But we must make a choice and decision as free moral agents.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade