King Woman-King of Her Self Esteem: Chigul

Chioma Omeruah best known as Chigul is a Nigerian comedian, singer and actress who is known for her accents and comedic characters. In an interview with Premium Times, Chioma said, “It takes a bold, self-confident, love-yourself attitude to get through that (being plus size in a world that favors skinny people), which is what a lot of us are trying to create in ourselves,” she says.

I had heard about Kemi Adetiba‘s series but I just wasn’t moved to watch it until I saw a clip from about submission. I fell in love, I proceeded to watch as many as I could until I came about Chioma’s session. Her session on King Woman touched me, I can’t even begin to say just how much but I believe it will shine light in your darkness and make you understand that you can come out of anything.

According to Overcoming, examples of early experiences that could lead to your thinking badly of yourself include:

  • systematic punishment, neglect or abuse
  • failing to meet parental standards
  • failing to meet peer-group standards
  • being on the receiving end of other people’s stress or distress.
  • belonging to a family or social group that other people are prejudiced towards
  • an absence of praise, warmth, affection or interest
  • being the odd one out, at home or at school.

You may feel like the odd one out, but remember that what makes you odd makes you special to Jesus.

Do you have a question for me or maybe a topic you will like me to address?

Email me at thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

For more on understanding low self-esteem

 

Humility and Commitment, the antidote to low self esteem

According to Killsyouneed, Self-esteem is about how we value ourselves, our perceptions and beliefs in who we are and what we are capable of. Our self-esteem can be misaligned with other people’s perception of who we are. Self-esteem has little to do with actual talent or ability as it is quite for someone who is good at something to have poor self-esteem, while someone who struggles at a particular topic might have good self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem is an essential component for learning. Regardless of age, the self-esteem of a learner facilitates or inhibits learning. (Solomon 1992)

In the article Steps to Improve Self Esteem, one of the causes of low self esteem was identified as poor academic performance.

My name is Angel, and my affair with low self-esteem started since my primary school days. I traced the source to the fact that I wasn’t as brilliant as my peers.

I failed more times than I can count.

Two very distinct things happened that marked me forever.

The first was a time where someone was asking a random question and I gave an answer but she just ignored me and asked someone else the question. We’re were not beefing before so that got me thinking.

“Why didn’t my answer mean much to her?”

“Why was the other girl’s view better than mine?”

I knew that something is definitely wrong.

The second thing was with my report card. One term my report card was a disaster. It was very colorful, so full of red!

What worsened it all was that I attended a public school where the teachers didn’t bother to make you understand what’s been taught. They just assume you know it.

A good friend, Adeyemi Adedoyin Nifemi took out time to put me through the subjects.

I started knowing the subjects and my confidence started growing. I realize that knowledge gives you an edge,

-It will grow your confidence

-It will erase your doubts and fears.

-It add colors to your imagination

– You will begin to believe more in yourself

She helped open my mind to understanding how life works. It was not only in my academics this time but in my spiritual life, health-wise, financially, it cuts across all spheres of life

Yes, being a Christian changed it all. When you read the scriptures and understand the purpose and plans of God for His children, you start to see yourself differently.

Now,

I read with understanding,

I talk with understanding

I relate with understanding

I dream with understanding.

It is not just to pass time but to be conscious that life is about discovering and understanding yourself to fulfil a purpose.

And also helping others do the same.

I recommend that you do two things to overcome low self-esteem and insecurity

  1. Humility – admit you don’t know it and that you need help
  2. Commitment – get connected and committed to people or groups that are designed to help you grow

I have not seen my friend since then, but she will always be a part of my success story.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Facebook LagosBeautyBlogger

Twitter adebankefalade

Candi M. Marsh on Overcoming Masturbation and Low Self Esteem

I have always struggled with self-acceptance and completely loving all of myself.  My self-esteem in my younger years was low and as I transition into adulthood it pretty much stayed there.

The home is where most people receive their validation and love (well at least this should be the place!)  However, this was not the case for me.  I was not raise in a traditional two-parent household.  I didn’t have parental figures telling me I was beautiful. None of that was going on!

So naturally, my validation came from the world, I look to see what others thought about me! From my peers and fellow classmates (by no means credible sources). Kids can be cruel and words do hurt.  However, they were only speaking my own insecurities what I had already thought about myself.  I was “too skinny”, “too dark”, and “ugly”.  So when the perceptions I thought of myself was confirmed by others around me, it just became my truth.

I was too skinny, too dark & ugly!

Why do you think your self-esteem was low?

The reason my self-esteem was so low was because I was looking for someone else (outside of Christ) to validate me to tell me that I was beautiful.   I struggled with no one liking me ENOUGH to be in a relationship with me.  Because being in a relationship was the epitome of my “self-acceptance and self-worth.” Being in a relationship with someone meant I was accepted, loved and wanted by someone.  A relationship is what I would always chase but always end up empty handed.

Due to this unhealthy perception I had of myself I would find myself in so many uncompromising situations as it relates to my sexual integrity which would in turn push my self-esteem down even more.  All because I just wanted someone to like me!

Never going as far as having sex, but dang near close enough to not be wearing a promise ring (which I had by the way).  As a Christian girl and now adult this cycle continued.  I knew God and the right things to do but my need for wanting to be liked over ruled what God said or says about me.  Yeah God told me I was beautiful, but that wasn’t enough.  But He is God. He thinks everyone is beautiful.  He made us and created us.  He would never say we were nothing less. What I needed was a physical human being to tell me I was beautiful.

My life came crashing down at the age of 21 when insecurities got the best of me and I was raped.  This just catapulted into a spiral of one poor choice, after another poor choice.  All in the name of wanting someone to like me.  My self-esteem however, reached the all-time lowest point when masturbation became my master.  It ruled over me and I was its slave.

This sexual sin was something that had me stuck in a vicious cycle.  So now not only didn’t men like me enough to be in a relationship, I didn’t like me.  But now I am for sure God didn’t like me either.  How could He, why would He.  I was a mess and disgusted with myself.  Living in silence was also the worst part no one knew I was battling with this addiction alone.  It was eating me up and tearing my self-esteem into micro-mini pieces.

It wasn’t until I started to share my struggle with people I could trusted did I start to work on putting an end to this addiction.  But even then I would still keep making the same mistakes to where I even lost a really good friendship over my addictive habit. This addiction needed to end.  But I knew I couldn’t do it alone.  It was not doing my self-esteem any good and I was starting to loss my identity.  I didn’t know who I was anymore.  Candi?  “Who is she?”  I was lost.

When did you become born again?

I was born and raised a Christian.  Going to church was a normal part of my growing up.  I went to school and I went to church. I enjoyed church and the friends I had while at church.  They accepted me and I never had to prove myself to them.  I was actively involved in church as a child, a teen, and young adult (I sang in the choir, I was a praise dancer, participated in church plays.  Even now as an adult I sing on the praise team.  Church has always been a part of my life.   With that said, even though church was a part of my life, I had not made God, the Lord over my life.  I claim to love Him but I didn’t really believe He could deliver me or love me the way He loved everyone else.  I mean I did all the things (well at least all the things) a Christian should do. I obeyed my grandmother, listen to my teachers, got good grades, never cussed, and did what I was told.  However, this struggle with masturbation created a separation between me and God.  I didn’t know how to get close to Him to build a close relationship with Christ.  God told me one time, “Candi you love me but you don’t know me. Each time I would mess up and fall into sexual immorality. I felt like God didn’t accept me or approve me.  I was reliving my school-age years all over again, now only with Jesus, and this was a tough pill to swallow.  If Jesus didn’t like me than shoot, no one would ever like me. This discourage my heart and left my self-esteem so damaged.

Did that help with your self-esteem?

It was not until about 2 years ago I got serious about my walk with Christ.  I was tired of going through the motions.  I wanted a real relationship with the Lord.  Most importantly I just wanted to be healed and whole.  I was willing to do whatever it took to be healed and whole.  I was desperate, I could not take the pain anymore. In that moment I prayed and I ask God to help me in these areas of masturbation, self-acceptance, and low self-esteem.  He surrounded me with some accountability partners that help me in my journey.  It was during that time I started to really focus on the areas within myself that I had been too afraid to confront.  Rejection and abandonment were my too biggest issues.  I had always been dealing with the symptoms of my problems but not really addressing the root.  I wasn’t until I gave these areas to the Lord that I started to see myself how God views me.  However, do not allow me to mislead you.  This internal transformation did not happen overnight.  I did not stop masturbating right away. There was a process.  However, it wasn’t until I started to see how I was truly effectively my relationship with God that I knew I needed to make some serious changes if I wanted to be healed and whole completely. Till this day I still meet with my accountability partners on a weekly basis to discuss my progress and process.  Today I can confidently say, I don’t need anyone to validate my self-worth. God has and still does call me I am beautiful.

Last month on Feb. 14th, (yes Valentine’s Day) I turned 37 years old I am not in relationship but I am trusting God and I do believe that there is someone in this would who would not only like me but love me.   Now that I have Christ at the center of my life.  All of my value and worth comes from and through Him.  I know what He says about me is true.  He said I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Simply put I am enough!

That’s it!

Game Over; control- alt- delete

Uhm…..okay so where do I began, I think I was 8 no 12, no 11, no I was 10. 
Fourteen is when it all began.  Fourteen is when my life and my identity had been taken over by sin.  The sin of choice? Well it’s called “lust.” I ran track in high school so I left the Holy Spirit in the dust. 
 
Fourteen, I said, is when it all began; when I became attracted to sin, or should I say it became attracted to me, I was young naïve I had not developed my inner beauty.
 
Not fond of my size, my skin or my face, when he said I was beautiful into his arms I embraced.  All I wanted really was my “very first kiss” but I got so much more, the kissed it was nice, then he touched me “down there” I did not like it; it did not feel right.
I knew it was wrong but I was too scared to say anything, so I just played along. Ashamed of my actions; by what had just taken place I told no one because I felt like such a disgrace. I could not bear the look of disapproval on their face.
 Brought up in the church how could I let this be? I am the holy Christian girl; you don’t do “those things.”
  
I keep my secret deep inside; nobody knew but the pain in my heart grew.  The game never ended I kept playing along, I search deep inside myself trying to sing my song, Titled, “Can-di you can be free” but I guess there was a mix tape because I kept singing the sin song “lust lives inside of me.”
 
With each encounter I came across, I played more and more; always thought I was doing good cause I never let them score.
I wore my celibacy ring proud, glad I did not lose my virginity, yet all the while I was losing my identity.
Masking my pain by doing well in school… all “A’s and no C’s;
I felt if I was a “little miss goody two shoes,” no one would see the hurt inside of me. 
If I appeared as if I was fine, then no one would ask.   It was oh so easy putting on the “mask.” “We wear the mask” as Paul Lawrence Dunbar would say; shoot this was easy I wore it all night and all day. 
At the age of 21 the game had changed, I was raped by this older man; I don’t even remember his name. 
I had my support from my friends, and my twin sister Brandi; but I never found the support inside of me.
I hated who I was and I didn’t want it to be; but I played the game so long I thought, “Hey this must be me”  
I suppressed my feelings inside because I had become someone I hate; to the point, I just needed any encounter so I began to masturbate.
I felt like a drug addict; I had to have it, it was a need, a must, there was no escaping this drug of choice, what did I call it? Oh yea… lust!
This cycle repeated again, & again, continuously for years, to the point I stopped shedding tears. 
This is when I became consumed with fear; oh, my God what if I will never be free? Will this spirit of lust always live inside of me?
I would tell my friends, trying to do the right thing. At this point in my life, I knew it was important to have accountability.
 I was tired of the lies! No more secrets! Time to be honest and speak the truth!
 
This was the only way I was going to make it through. 
The truth will set you free. That is what it says in the Word;
I wanted to soar in the sky; I wanted my voice to be heard. 
I was doing good… I was feeling strong… I was finally feeling free;
But as soon as I would meet someone, out jumped that lust inside of me.  Oh no not again, will this sin ever END!
We fall down but we get up, for a saint is just a sinner who fell down, but got up.  How many times must I fall Lord? Will I ever be free?
On the other hand, should I just stay on the ground, for this sin is beating me. 
Defeated; cast down, but I knew I was not destroyed!
All I wanted was to join another Army so yep I enlisted so I would be deployed. Therefore, in the front line I stand with my internal wounds exposed!  I die to my flesh, heart, mind body, and soul.  
I am ready to be free; I need Jesus to take control.
Each day I stand on the front line dying daily to my flesh, each day I don’t sin, I am passing the test.
I am walking in purpose, I am soaring, & sailing the sea, this game is over press the keys end Ctrl- Alt-Delete. I am free! 

Click Candi M. Marsh to follow her on Instagram

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

Body Shaming Is Your Worst Enemy. 5 Ways To Defeat It

Body shaming is a problem for both genders. I believe that most body shamers are people with a lot of insecurities and in a bid to feel better about themselves, they aim at other people. Now, even though body shaming is common in both genders, it is especially harmful to women.

“Body shaming is humiliating, with often painful, long-term consequences. It mocks and stigmatizes its victims, tearing down self-respect and perpetuating the harmful idea that our unique physical appearances should be compared to air-brushed notions of ‘perfect.’ What really matters is our character and humanity.” Los Angeles City Attorney Mike Feuer in the Los Angeles Times said.

All bodies, not matter the size or shape are beautiful, and from what I have noticed on social media, body shaming has not made anyone healthier or happier, it has instead caused us to find something wrong with ourselves and then try to fix what people have told us is broken. I will prefer if we spend all this time energy on realizing our dreams, breaking down walls, scaling through fences, and praying in the Holy Spirit!

Body or fat shaming is one of the most common forms of cyberbullying. Even as I write this article, thinness is viewed by the society as the standard of beauty, so people who deviate from that body type are often ridiculed and made to feel inferior.

Body shaming is defined as inappropriate negative statements and attitudes toward another person’s weight or size. It can also reach into the discrimination against individuals who may be overweight.

It’s really sad that some believe that making overweight people feel ashamed of their weight or eating habits actually helps motivate them to lose weight. It does not!

Psychologists have done a lot of research on this, and body shaming does NOT motivate people, but makes them feel terrible about themselves and actually causes them to eat more and gain more weight.

Body-shaming might not look the way you would imagine. It’s not always as obvious as calling someone too fat or too skinny — sometimes it’s the suggestion that a certain cut of clothing isn’t “flattering” on people built like you. Regardless of the form it takes, one thing that’s for certain is that there is still far, far too much of it. Read 10 Painfully Common Ways Society Tries To Body Shame Women

Women have reached the point that we feel like we aren’t making progress unless we’re actively trying to lose weight. We lose our sense of purpose if we aren’t trying to change ourselves physically. We judge our worth by how we look. But self-love is about not wasting time on negative thoughts. Self-love is about knowing that you are good enough exactly as you are. Shannon Kaiser, 2016

If you don’t like yourself, losing more weight wouldn’t fix it-I’m sorry. The solution is internal and not external. You have to learn to accept their own body.

Therese some steps you can take to like yourself more:

  • Do what and be with who honors and respects you (especially your body)
  • Minimize self-sabotage.
  • Lower your expectations: It’s easy to hate yourself when you keep falling short of your expectations.
  • Read your self-esteem file: My self-esteem file is a manila folder holding the truth about what people feel about people. This comes from friends, readers, teachers, and an occasional family member. It’s a list of your key strengths.
  • Ditch regret
  • Be Held in Prayer
  • Begin your day with love (not your phone): Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed.
  • Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive.
  • Try something new.
  • Work on personal and spiritual development.
  • Be patient with yourself.

Want to stop body shamming? Here are a few ideas how you can stop body-shaming:

  • Encourage and motivate people
  • Report hurtful comments
  • Flag inappropriate content
  • Spread body positivity

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

Lady Gaga Responds to Body Shaming

Despite Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl halftime performance, which included high-flying acrobatics, the parade of hits, and the singer’s commanding stage presence, some trolls took to social media to criticize Lady Gaga’s “belly“.

This incident reminds me of a picture I once took, I was wearing a green dress that my mum had got for me for a family photo shoot and I was so excited when they came out that I didn’t realize that my tummy was “hanging”,trust some trolls to point out that to me-which they did, I eventually took it down but seeing Gaga and knowing that this belly isn’t going anywhere makes me feel a little bit better.

Gaga responded by spreading a positive message to people everywhere who may be feeling insecure about their bodies.

In case you didn’t know, body shaming is the practice of making critical, potentially humiliating comments about a person’s body size or weight.

According to Erika Vargas, Body-shaming (criticizing yourself or others because of some aspect of physical appearance) can lead to a vicious cycle of judgment and criticism.  Messages from the media and from each other often imply that we should want to change, that we should care about looking slimmer, smaller, and tanner.  And if we don’t, we worry that we are at risk of being the target of someone else’s body-shaming comments.

I for one think that the 30 something year old body is fantastic. Shame on body shammers!

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

 

Two Ugly Truths About Sex Before Marriage

As you all know, I always encourage everyone to stay off sex until marriage, I know the damage it can do to you physically and emotionally. This week being Cervical Cancer Awareness month, I have decided to do a post on two dangers of having premarital sex. I hope you love it!

One danger of having premarital is the danger of being exposed to STD’s, some can be treated immediately, while some can lead to more dangerous issues such as Cervical Cancer for a lady. Cervical cancer occurs when abnormal cells on the cervix grow out of control. This cancer can be successfully treated when it is detected early through a Pap test. This type of cancer is caused by a virus called human papillomavirus, or HPV. You can get HPV by having sexual contact with someone who has it. The best way to avoid getting a sexually transmitted infection is to not have sex  if you are single and to stick to your partner if you are. It is not all types of HPV that cause cervical cancer. Some of them cause genital warts, while others may not cause any symptoms. The infection sometimes goes away on its own, cause genital warts or lead to cervical cancer.

This is the sole reason for the importance of regular Pap Smear also called Pap tests. This test can find changes in cervical cells before they turn into cancer. If you treat these cell changes early enough, you may prevent cervical cancer.

Abnormal cervical cell changes rarely cause symptoms. But you may have symptoms if those cell changes grow into cervical cancer. These Symptoms include:

  • Bleeding: bleeding between menstrual periods, after sex, or after menopause.
  • Pain in the lower belly or pelvis.
  • Pain during sex.
  • Vaginal discharge that isn’t normal.

I encourage married women to go for Pap Smear, as the virus that causes cervical cancer is spread through sexual contact. I also encourage married folks to have sex with only their partner.

Apart from the fact that pre-marital sex can lead to cervical cancer, as a Christian, there is a connection between sexual purity and a healthy “life of worship and time of worship”. Nathaniel Bassey took to his Instagram page to teach on how pre-marital sex affects our worship.

First, worship has to be in the beauty of Holiness, that is,  of the heart, mind, and body. In motive and action, because God is Holy.

That’s the reason one of the biggest hindrances to true worship is sexual immorality. You must understand that a sexual activity is in itself an act of worship. In fact, it is the earthly parallel of our spiritual and highest form of relationship with God, worship.

Many of you would agree with me on this, if you are a Christian, I mean, A born again Christian, who loves God and eschews evil, you would have noticed that worshipping God becomes difficult after you fall into a sexual sin. Note, I said sexual sin, as this may not only be limited to just sexual intercourse with the opposite sex. Because sexual sin is one that not only involves your body but your mind and spirit.

In fact, you may have cried and repented, and God being who He is will always forgive, but you would notice having that sweet fellowship and communion becomes a struggle for some time. You know why?

Because the soul which is the seat of our feelings and emotions was disturbed and corrupted. And while God has forgiven you, you nonetheless enter into a struggle within you. Deep in your soul, which is now grappling with a NEW personality. Which is referred to as a soul tie, I’m not talking about people who are habitual sexual sinners here, who have learned and mastered the act of shrugging off any feeling of conviction, because after a while their conscience becomes insensitive and unresponsive. If you are here, please run back to Jesus quickly. I’m talking about sincere lovers of God who have made mistakes or have struggled in this area and battling to be free.

Have you ever wondered why the scripture urges us to FLEE when it comes to sexual sins? The reason is not farfetched.

But here is the good news, there is a way out. JESUS. The blood of Jesus is available to set us free. And as we make a choice to live in holiness, God’s grace comes to strengthen. But we must make a choice and decision as free moral agents.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

Actress Yvonne Orji Talks Body Positivity on ELLE

I recently came across an article of Yvonne Orji on ELLE.com and I believe it’s worth the read. Yvonne Orji is both an actress and comedian, she opted out of a career in medicine to become a comedian. She was born in Nigeria and moved to America when she was six with her parents and her three older brothers. Before this article, I had never come across her, never even heard of the show but she said something very profound in the article which I will like everyone to play attention.

“When I came to America as a six-year-old, I had a nice, thick accent, which didn’t go over very well with elementary school kids.  For years, I got teased, picked on, and bullied. They called me “African booty scratcher” and things like that.

I had big lips then. You know, Botox wasn’t around, so they called me “soup coolers.” But of course, with immigrant parents, my mum and dad would tell me things like “they’re just jealous of you”

Don’t you just love African parents!!!!!!!!!!

In the article, she stated that she has never been 100 percent comfortable with her body. “My arms and legs have always been great, but my abs are my problem areas. For instance, there’s a scene in episode eight where Molly is wearing a crop top and I’m totally sucking in the entire time. For the jacuzzi scene where I had to wear a bathing suit, I begged the wardrobe stylist—Ayanna James–to get me a sexy one-piece with cut-outs. I can do cut-outs!’ When I tell people I wear Spanx, they’re always like, ‘You don’t need Spanx!’ and I’m like, I need Spanx.’ I lost a little bit of weight to play Molly, and it was the slimmest I’ve been in a while, but I still wasn’t as toned as I would have liked.

MY ACTUAL DESIRE IS TO BE ABLE TO COMFORTABLY WALK OUT OF MY HOUSE WITHOUT ANY MAKEUP ON AND FEEL AS BEAUTIFUL AS I DO WHEN MY MAKEUP ARTIST BEATS MY FACE.

My comfortability with my body and what I wear is a work in progress. When my stylist Toye Adedipe gives me something with a super drop neck, I’m just like, ‘That looks like a lot of work. That looks like I gotta have tape.’ Anytime I have to do tape, I’m like, ‘Nah.’ But he has been able to push me outside of my comfort zone, to be like, ‘Yvonne, you’re a woman. You’re a lady, you have a nice body.’ He’s helping me realise, your body is actually better than you think it is.

I’ll probably always opt for makeup because I just like the way it feels. You can play with it and create different looks and I think that’s fun. But I also want the option to not need it. I think that’s what life is about, just having the options to or not to do.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

Image Source Instagram

Low Self Esteem Will Be A Thing Of Your Past And Here’s Why

Your self-esteem is the way your view yourself, the way your value yourself, it is also the how important you think you are in the eyes of others and in the eyes of the world.  The way you view yourself affects everything about your life, it affects how to will relate with others, it affects your career, I think to a large extent it plays a part in your relationship-deciding the kind of man/woman you want to be with and just how worthy you think you are of them.

Low self-esteem feeds off negative, most times untrue thoughts you have about yourself. It causes you to believe in the awful things people say about you. Low self-esteem causes you to lose your self-confidence.

“Low self-esteem” exists when someone has a general feeling of insignificance or a lack of importance. Someone with low self-esteem is likely to avoid social interactions, feel inadequate in work and struggle to accept criticism. Severely low esteem may also lead to physical symptoms, such as headaches and exhaustion.

According to Overcoming, crucial experiences that help to form our beliefs about ourselves often (although not always) occur early in life. What you saw, heard and experienced in childhood – in your family, in the wider community, and at school – will have influenced the way you see yourself. Examples of early experiences that could lead to your thinking badly of yourself include:

  • systematic punishment, neglect or abuse
  • failing to meet parental standards
  • failing to meet peer-group standards
  • being on the receiving end of other people’s stress or distress.
  • belonging to a family or social group that other people are prejudiced towards
  • an absence of praise, warmth, affection or interest
  • being the odd one out, at home or at school.

Karl Perera believes that our self-esteem depends on many questions:

  • Is your job worthwhile? Do others respect what you do? Do you?
  • Do you believe you are successful?
  • How do you see yourself (your self-image or view of you)?
  • How do you feel about yourself, and your strengths and weaknesses?
  • Are you comparing yourself to others and ignoring the unique value that you have?
  • What do you think of your social status?
  • How do you relate to others?
  • Can you make your own decisions? A lack of choices leads to low levels of self-esteem.

According to PsychSkills, low self-esteem is characterized by:

  1. Heavy self-criticism, tending to create a habitual state of dissatisfaction with yourself. Exaggerating the magnitude of mistakes or behaviors and not able to reach self-forgiveness.
  2. Hypersensitivity to criticism leading to feeling attacked and not being open to constructive criticism.
  3. Chronic indecision due to fear of making mistakes.
  4. People pleasing.
  5. Hostility or irritability—easily angered even over minor things.
  6. Feelings of insignificance.
  7. General negativity about life and often an inability to enjoy life.

Easy Steps to Raising Your Self Esteem

It is only logical that since the feelings of low self-esteem build up over time, letting go of these feelings will also happen over time. It takes a mixture of consistency, ‘I would not let this feeling get the best years of myself’, a lot of self-love, time, and in some cases counseling to totally be secure in yourself and in who you are.

I have learned that a lot of positive thinking is used to help low self-esteem, these are also called affirmations. Affirmations are positive statements that describe (in this case) how you truly are and not what you have heard or seen, you are to repeat these statements as often as you can, until they get impressed in your subconscious mind. As a man thinketh in his heart so is he, renewing your mind with positive affirmations is a sure way to improve your self-esteem. You renew your mind about who you are through using positive words.

I have listed some positive affirmations that have helped me so far, I am sure they will help you as well:

  • I matter
  • My glad heart gives me a hapy face
  • I am created in the image of God
  • I am fearfully and wonderfully made
  • In God I live and move and I have all my being
  • I am complete in Him
  • When He hung on the cross, He saw me
  • I am confident
  • I can do all things
  • I have the spirit of wisdom
  • I  believe in myself
  • I am happy in my own skin
  • I am God’s and I matter to him. He calls me by my name.
  • God cares about the details in my life. He even knows the number of my hair.
  • I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
  • With God, I am the apple of His eye.
  • I’m engraved in on the palms of God’s hands; my walls are continually before Him.
  • I am a unique child of God.
  • My light shines brightly.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

To Sex Or Not To Sex- 4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t

When I was in the world I acted like those of the world….now I am not of the world, it would go against the very fibre of my being to act like those in the world do.

My generation and maybe even the one before and after me happen to believe everything revolves around sex. They want to ‘test’ before they marry-test what. Is it an exam?

Sadly, many girls have gone through the test or should I say tests, as many have written for and have been written by them for Kunle, Samuel, Ayo, Chinedu, Thomas and so on. The same goes for my men as well, if Sade doesn’t perform as Chichi did, Sade isn’t good enough. So he moves to Fatima. Fatima may be good enough but might not just be as wild as the new girl he saw a couple of days ago. The circle continues and in the midst of this we have std’s, sti’s, lowered self esteem, self worth and what not’s.

All I can say is most persons lack self control. Lack of self control is probably the most destructive thing in this world….the fact that you cannot control an urge is just indiscipline…. You know people try to make it better by saying that guys can’t think when they are aroused….that is why they beg, that is why they shake, that is why they toss in the middle of the night when you decide as a girl to be naive (stupid) enough to spend the night in his house. So you feel guilty and give in because you might loose him and you don’t want to loose him because the next guy might not treat you as good…he might not buy you nice things….you don’t even know if you will find a next guy…..so you forget all you have been told….”wait till marriage, its a sin, you will go to hell, no man wants a used woman, your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit” You forget all these things because Frank seems like the one….he seems like it.

See ehn, I love you girl child and how I love your body. I love your curves and all there is to you. I love you when you are innocent, I love you when you are not, I love you when you make mistakes, I love you when you stand up and dust off the shame. I love how strong you are and how when you have had enough you NEVER go back.

I want you to make a decision today. Make a decision NOT TO SEX.

I tell you not to sex and not because of eternal damnation but because you love your body and because you know that even if sex was an exam it takes a while to prepare for it.

Say no because this body is too precious to be run over by many guys before the One comes along

Say no because you have had enough and you refuse to give into the notion that no other guy will be good enough

Say no because with sex you never know who he truly is. All the times he probably calls is because he wants you not because he needs you.

Say no because when you are old and strong you need a man to hold you, to talk to you, to listen to you and not a man that trembles when he gets a see a piece of skin.

P.s there are now more boys than girls. Don’t fear, God has more than enough for you. Let that guy go….there are plenty of fish in the sea.

My God will supply ALL your needs and there will be many left overs

 

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade

 

FoodieGirlFitness And The Biggest Lie Society Ever Told

I felt happier 25 pounds heavier, than where I was four years ago when I started with these at home workouts. And it’s because no matter what happens to me physically, I’ve worked harder on transforming my mind than anything else.

Loving yourself is not an easy task- especially when we live in a world that is constantly telling us we’re not good enough. But, it’s the MOST IMPORTANT job we’ll ever have.

If you’re at war with your body, let me help. I have a plan that WILL get the unwanted weight off {while having fun and still enjoying life}, but more importantly, my plan will teach you how to fall in love with yourself- no matter what shape your body is in!

It is possible to be a work in progress and love yourself all at the same time.

If I’m going to show you the posed, put together, professional sides of me, I’m gonna make damn sure you see the not so flattering sides too. Because, contrary to what society has taught us to think, our worth isn’t measured by how many belly rolls we have, or how many dimples on our booty, or how much jiggle hangs out on our arms.

Loving ourselves exactly as we are is hard. Because we’ve been told for years that we’re not good enough until we {insert any of the thousands of ideas of perfection that has been fed to us over the years}. But I call BS. I say that the real magic happens when we embrace who we are, at every angle and size.

This doesn’t mean I don’t also struggle with embracing this body I was given, but it does mean that I understand working on loving me is the most important job I will ever have.

Our bodies aren’t broken. The message society is trying to tell us {by airbrushing everything, erasing dimples and rolls and fluff} is.

So even though its really hard, lets remember we are worthy and beautiful and special and ALIVE. Go on and love yourself today, because THAT shit is whats inspiring.

 

Don’t wait for “someday” to be happy. Start right now. If you’re struggling where you’re at right now because you just can’t seem to find the motivation to get fit and healthy, at least recognize that it doesn’t make you a shitty person… It makes you human. Get back up, dust yourself off, adjust your crown, and keep kicking ass like the queen you are.

I hope I can continue to inspire you to love yourself, just as you are. Because your life is not yours if you spend it caring what other people think.

Imagine how different this world would be if we all focused on the things we LOVE about ourselves, rather than the things we hate. Let’s start a revolution

Credit FoodieGirlFitness

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Instagram/Twitter @adebankefalade