#MySelfEsteemandI The Unending Battle

I remember being that girl that weighed almost five hundred pounds thinking I will never in a million years lose this weight. I thought I would never become someone that could inspire someone else. I didn’t think I was worthy to be loved or wanted and I didn’t even care enough about myself to love myself so I couldn’t expect someone else to.

➡➡➡Right side: Miserable Suicidal Lonely Defeated Scared to be anything more then what THEY told her to be… ➡➡➡Left side: Strong Thankful Still lonely but only because I refuse to settle for anything less than what I deserve Empowered Still scared but now I'm scared only when I don't try. I'm scared when I start to feel like that almost 500 pound girl I was I may become her again. I say it time and time again but I say it because I know it's true, we may not can control the things that happen in our life but we can control how we react to it and that makes all the difference in the world💖💜♥ ⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋ For those who are new to my journey I have had no surgery to lose the weight. I followed @weightwatchers for four years and added fitness to my daily life. For more on my journey please check out my page @unendingbattle 😙♥ Love you guys💜💖💚 @unendingbattle ⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋ ⚠⚠⚠Anyone interested in donating to my Excess skin removal surgery 😓 ➡➡➡http://www.gofundme.com/unendingbattle ⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋ #extremeweightloss #fundraiser #weightlosstransformation #weightloss #transformation #inspire #bodypositivefitness #inspiration #yoga #keepgoing #nevergiveup #losingweight #fitness #excessskin #plasticsurgery #girlswholift #strongoverskinny #strength #yogi #yogiintraining #LoveYourSelf #strongnotskinny #progressnotperfection #fitchick #fitnessinspiration #fitness #lesmills #BodyPump #beforeandafter #unendingbattle

A post shared by Candice Williams (@unendingbattle) on

I was truly miserable on the inside. I hated myself and therefore I didn’t care about anything including my own life. Between cutting, suicide, depression and emotional eating I spiralled into a darkness that I truly never thought I wouldn’t escape. To be honest I didn’t want to.

I just wanted it all to end.

I finally got to a point where I was just mortified, humiliated and miserable to the extent where I finally decided to stop feeling sorry for myself. There are days, weeks, and months even that I would give up or have to start back over but the most important thing I can tell all of you is to NEVER STOP FIGHTING. Never stop trying! Because when you do you’re admitting defeat and you’re allowing whatever obstacle you’re trying to overcome beat you.

When I see old pictures, I am amazed because they still bring back all of the feelings, emotions and memories that I had at that particular moment. I remember when I will get so tired, so discouraged, that all I wanted to do was eat and cut.

I remember the birthdays I had, not more than six or seven years ago where I didn’t even want to see another birthday. That five hundred pound girl was so miserable and never appreciated life because she didn’t feel like she had one.

I used to seek validation from everyone except for myself. I wanted everyone to think I was beautiful or attractive when I didn’t even feel that way myself.

I wanted everyone to respect me and my worth when I didn’t even respect it myself.

Even after I lost almost 300 pounds I still was so insecure not only because of the excess skin but just from all of the years of being hidden and tucked away in the darkness so no one would see me.

I still have moments where I find myself slipping back into negative thinking and telling myself I’m ugly or I’m never going to find love. When this happens, I put on the skirt that I bought two years ago but could never wear and I remind myself that I may not be where I want to be but I sure as hell am far from where I started.

Why is it so easy to look in the mirror and point out our flaws.

But so hard to look in the mirror and compliment yourself or even take a compliment.

Why???

Because we often listen to what people say we should be. How we should look. How we should feel.

The list goes on.

We are capable of so much but yet we let the smallest things hinder us. We let the smallest things or things that we cannot control take us to such darkness. As soon as I felt myself walking down that hallway again I immediately turned around and when I say I ran, metaphorically, of course, I Ran So Fast to the opposite end.

I decided I am no longer concerned with others opinions of me. No, I’m not perfect. I still have work to do.

I used to hide from people, now I want people TO LOOK AT ME. Not because of anything narcissistic or conceited but rather I want people to look at me and know what is possible.

I needed to feel validated by other people because I couldn’t validate with myself.

Now, I feel proud strong and beautiful. Even on the days when I wake up crying or have so much going on emotionally, I will keep fighting.

I want people to look at me and see Fitness and smile.

I want people to think about squats and lunges and think about me.

I want people to think about yoga and Body Pump and mention my name.

And most importantly I just want people to look at me and see a kind and giving a person.

I WILL NEVER FORGET WHERE I CAME FROM, AND I WILL NEVER STOP FIGHTING TO BE A BETTER PERSON MENTALLY PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY.

Yoga makes me happy. Found some lost pics I forgot to upload from my yoga the other night♡ Working on #diamondpose and #compass !!! I love pushing myself. I definitely could do yoga at 460lbs but I didn't. I wish I had found yoga alot sooner but it's never too late to start 💯💯✔✔ And now my flexibility isn't being held down by so much weight and I can feel myself getting stronger. Many ask where to start…just research and Google and search instagram ♡♡♡ that's what I do! And PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE 🤗🤗💯 Namaste my warriors ♡♡♡ Goodnight Love you guys💜💖💚 @unendingbattle ⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋ For those who are new to my journey I followed @weightwatchers for four years and added fitness to my daily life. Now I'm addicted. For more on my journey please check out my page @unendingbattle ⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋ ⚠⚠⚠Anyone interested in donating to my Excess skin removal surgery 😓 ➡➡➡http://www.gofundme.com/unendingbattle ⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋⚋ #extremeweightloss #fundraiser #weightlosstransformation #transformation #inspire #bodypositivefitness #inspiration #yoga #keepgoing #nevergiveup #losingweight #fitness #excessskin #plasticsurgery #girlswholift #strongoverskinny #strength #yogi #yogiintraining #LoveYourSelf #strongnotskinny #progressnotperfection #fitchick #fitnessinspiration #fitness #lesmills #BodyPump #beforeandafter #unendingbattle

A post shared by Candice Williams (@unendingbattle) on

I never thought the girl that used to cut just to feel, or tried to take her life because she felt so worthless could EVER inspire anyone yet alone thousands of people.

I regret that I took that for granted. And I will not take any other days for granted. Health and fitness changed my life and I’m so thankful for that more than anything.

Follow Candice Williams story via her Instagram here

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Twitter @adebankefalade

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