#MySelfEsteemandI Every Believer’s Guide to a Healthy Self Esteem

A Christian is not allowed to view himself in any other way but what Jesus says he is. The bible is your mirror; the bible reflects who you are in Christ, who you are in the world, who you are as a new creation.

Battling low self-esteem and sometimes depression can be a lifelong struggle if you do not learn to see yourself the way God sees you. I am beginning to feel low self-esteem is quite selfish, it makes you focus on you, what you feel about yourself, how you feel about yourself, how you look at yourself. It’s really all about you and your feelings not considering what those who love you feel about you and especially what God feels about you, and who He created you to be. Low self-esteem hinders you, it’s almost like a big rock tied to your leg, you can only move so far until you get tired and have to sit down.

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18.21

You can choose to live by the words of your mouth or you can choose to die a slow painful death by the words of your mouth. You choose death whenever you tell yourself that you have low self-esteem, depression or whatever form of mental illness you are battling with. You speak death whenever you talk down to your body, telling yourself how amazing you would look if you look in a particular way instead of the way you look now. There is something about speaking, it calls things into existence, the more you talk about your flaws, the more they are real to you, the more real they are to you, the more you go deeper and deeper into self-hate.

When you believe and eventually say that you have or still have low self-esteem (after being born again) you will still have it, you will continually battle with this feeling of inferiority. I need you to ensure that your heart is continually focused on what and who Jesus says you are. “Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts.” Proverbs 4:23

When you look at your body and speak life to your flaws, something comes alive in you. I look at my body and there are some things I wish I could change, but I have learnt to shut that voice aside and laugh over my insecurities all the while praising God for making me perfect. Yes, I am perfect , from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet, I am an amazon and no devil or a voice in my head can tell me otherwise, you see, my eyes and my heart are set only on who Jesus says I am and He sees me as perfect, created in His own image. Hello!

Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth. 3 John 2

Often time’s people equate this verse with wealth-I did that as well but I realised that was limiting this verse and limiting Apostle John’s prayer.  According to Biblestudytools.com, the soul is the “life,” “self,” “person,” “desire,” “appetite,” “emotion” and “passion”. When your soul is not prospering, it affects your spirit as well as limiting what the Spirit of God can do through you. The only way your spirit, soul and body can prosper is by feeding it on the Word of God, it can be hard to read the bible, believe me, I struggled with that at some point. But, just as you would discipline yourself for a race so you will come first, reading, praying and meditating are the three important things you need to ensure that you are fit to stand against any voice that tells you that you are not good enough.

“And they have overcome (conquered) him by means of the blood of the Lamb and by the utterance of their testimony, for they did not love and cling to life even when faced with death [holding their lives cheap till they had to die for their witnessing].” Revelations 12.11

Believe it or not, the issue of depression and low self-esteem was nailed on the cross along with Jesus. The issue of being unworthy, being unclean, whatever issue you have was dealt with on the cross. When He was being nailed to the cross; He took upon Himself every form of death that you and I would have experienced in this world so we will not have to experience it again. It is illegal for you to suffer from low self-esteem, illegal for you to be depressed; Jesus took all that upon His body and gave you His very LIFE! Glory to God

“There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with the deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows[a] that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.” Isaiah 53

This is my testimony. I am healed! You are healed! Jesus lives! Jesus saves!

Let the words of your mouth has to align with what Jesus did.

Finally brethren, it is important that Jesus has the final say in how you see yourself because when you allow other voices tell you who you are. You will never be all God wants you to be. “We always pray that God will show you everything he wants you to do and that you have all the wisdom and understanding the Spirit gives. Then you will live a life that honours God and you will always please Him by doing good deeds. You will come to know God better. His glorious power will make you patient and strong enough to endure anything, and you will be truly happy.” Colossians 1.9-11

A smaller nose won’t make you happy

Being a few inches taller won’t make you happy

Bleaching your skin won’t make you happy

Getting a boyfriend will not make you happy

Bigger hips won’t make you happy

Bigger boobs won’t make you happy

A bigger butt won’t make you happy

JESUS MAKES YOU TRULY HAPPY, He teaches you to be happy with all your ‘seemingly’ obvious flaws, all your faults and all your disadvantages.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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#MySelfEsteemAndI Love who You see

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This article is very special to me, I have been following these two women ( @makeupbyshalom and @__sassyj ) closely and I am amazed at what they are doing with a whole lot of self-esteem and a little makeup. I am against using makeup to feel better about yourself because when the day is over and the makeup is removed, it is easy to go back to self-loathing. But, when you understand like these amazons that make up isn’t you and you love yourself with and without the makeup, life takes on a new turn.

I hope you enjoy it, I hope it boosts your self-esteem because they have all blessed me.

shalom

 

When Shalom was nine years old living in Nigeria, an accident involving frying oil at her family’s food store left her and her sister badly burnt. Shalom was in her mum’s store (where she also sold fried food during the evenings), after a while, she got tired and wanted to go to sleep. Her mum asked her to sleep in the room inside but when she got there, a cat scared her so she decided to sleep on a table. After a while, her younger sister was also placed alongside on the table. They both slept until scathing hot oil fell on both sisters. She was left with burns all over her face, head, and shoulders. She lost most of her hair and the tops of her ears fused to her head.

After months in the hospital, she was discharged. When she went home it dawned on her that everything had changed. From the way, people looked at her to the way people ran from her. Shalom’s world came crashing down. An aunt who lived in the United States helped Shalom’s family get visas so she and her baby sister could get reconstructive surgery. She still had to live with very noticeable scarring even after the surgery. Being in school was tough on Shalom, as she had to endure a lot of bullying and nasty stares. “I was bullied very badly in middle school; I always had a scarf and a wig on, so people wouldn’t know I was bald,” she says.

This bullying led her to suicidal thoughts. But as she met other burn victims who were worse off, it changed her perspective. “You have to be grateful for what you have because you never know what someone else may be going through,” she says. At the age of 13, she discovered makeup, which helped give her confidence. She followed tutorials by gurus like Beatfacehoney, Kandee Johnson, and Irishcel507.  She began to perfect a technique and love the artistry, even to the point of practising it on her friends and classmates. About three years ago, she felt confident enough to begin posting videos of her own, and now she’s inspiring others, including those who have scars from burns or acne, to make the most of what they have. In one video, she details exactly how she covers her own scars so expertly. “Of course you cannot make it disappear,” she says—but the difference her makeup makes is incredible.

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“I find makeup to be a universal thing that connects us together, letting us express our own style in our own ways,” she tells us. “There are no rules to makeup. And as a burn survivor, it gives me a chance to share my passion with others that may be going through similar things—or better yet, inspire someone to love who they see in the mirror.”

sassss

Jenae is a brow goddess in case you do not know. She has successfully made those without brows feel amazingly beautiful, but it wasn’t always like that with her. She was constantly being picked on in middle school for not having enough hair, not having cool clothes like everyone else, not having enough eyebrows. She was the one nobody wanted on their team, she was the girl who ate alone, going through all of that in middle school and high school really taught her to be humble and not be quick to judge people.

She developed low self-esteem because of it and she would constantly go in and out of depression. She believes that she is who is she today because she stayed active in middle school and high school by doing Track and Field and Drill Team, as well as Cross Country and Photography.

“I used to think it was such a curse to have no brows, but looking back it’s more of a blessing for me now. I have eczema and heat rashes on my face which I suffered from while growing up, it was very bad. I am not too sure if that affected the growth of my brows but it seems as though it did there’s things I can’t help, having brows is one of them. I don’t want to get them tattooed either and I prefer to draw them on. I’ve used it to my advantage and have used my Instagram platform for good and positivity. I appreciate the bags under my eyes (they’re designer bags by the way) as well as my 5 head (I have a love/hate relationship with this) as well as my gorgeous almond shaped eyes. Makeup is the one thing that makes me HAPPIEST in life. The creative freedom I get from it speaks volumes. I started off with Makeup just doing the basic eyeliner and mascara and lipgloss, then gradually learned to do my brows and then learned to do eyeshadow, then progressed to doing my entire face. I wasn’t the best at it at first but over time it became such a passion of mine that I only wanted to get better at it. I’m still learning and still progressing. My natural face is just as stunning as my dolled up face. Who knew that having high cheek bones, almond shaped eyes and full lips could be a great canvas for makeup. Those who start off with just a blank canvas and work at it, usually end up making masterpieces. And that’s exactly what I am.

sasssy

I’m not conventionally BEAUTIFUL by the world’s standards, but I sure do look and feel beautiful to myself and that won’t ever need the world’s validation at all. I’m proud of this face; I love it and most of all I EMBRACE IT! I’m not insecure about having no brows, that insecurity left a long time ago when I decided to put up my very first before and after picture a year and a half ago. I have discoloured skin, eczema, as well as acne scars all over my face. But it’s ok, these things make me HUMAN and that is beauty in itself, whether people like or not. There is nothing you can do that will knock this unbreakable confidence of mine

I love this face; I’m beautiful to me and could care less to be validated by society’s standard of beauty. What God gave me was a blank canvas that I can do just about anything with. We weren’t put on this earth to be the same, we were put here to be GREAT and that’s what I intend to do, always. I’ve found a way past it and any imperfections anyone has, you can too. Don’t ever stop believing in yourselves.

I hope you loved reading as much as I loved telling their stories. My question to you is… What is beauty? If it is not about acceptance?

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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#MySelfEsteemandI Cornelius and Heather Lindsey’s Take on how to overcome low self esteem

I was amazed to discover that both Cornelius and Heather Lindsey have had their own fair share of struggles with self-love, it amazes me because it gave me a new reason to hope and to believe that anyone can get over low self-esteem with Jesus at the centre.

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Cornelius Lindsey wrote on Instagram “I know what it feels like to be embarrassed in your own skin. Whether right or wrong, I felt that way for years. I was a chubby kid with much insecurity. In fact, I started my weight loss journey to impress a girl I liked while after my 9th-grade year of high school. My insecurities were deep, and I had a lot of self-hate. I didn’t like taking pictures because I hated looking at myself. I wore oversized clothes to cover up my exterior without realising that my real issues were within. I wanted to look like physically fit men I saw on television. Something as simple as taking off my shirt was a very difficult thing to do because I was so insecure about that way I looked. I write about my insecurities in my book–SUFFERING IN SILENCE. There are a lot of differences between these two pictures, but one that’s more prominent is my relationship with the Lord. I thought my weight loss journey was about losing weight. Nope, it’s been greater that. What’s been so great isn’t what I lost, but what I found. Well, let’s just say that I was found. Jesus captured my heart and a transformation took place. The person I once was could no longer live because He became lord of my life. He found me in a pit of sin, and through Him I was able to lose so much. I lost those insecurities that weighed me down. I lost that pressure to want to fit in with the crowd. I lost that desire to be someone I was not. I lost the need to want to be accepted by the world. Through Christ, I lost so much. What’s great is that He replaced all I lost with qualities that are so much more valuable. My fitness journey is now about discipline my body so I can serve Him. It’s about being fit mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and the sort. It’s about mirroring my physical discipline with my spiritual discipline. It’s about training and teaching my body to stay in subjection so it doesn’t rule over me. My appetite makes a terrible God. I know because I served it for years. He put an end to it! Glory to Jesus forever!”

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Heather Lindsey also wrote about her struggles on Instagram “I struggled on and off with depression for years and it’s the worst feeling to feel hopeless and not motivated to do things because you feel like “it doesn’t matter.” Guess what, because of our hope in the Lord, you do matter, today matters and you don’t have to fight alone! Meditate on scriptures and ask the Holy Spirit to free you from depression. Decide to think of good things & stir yourself up in the Lord! Don’t give the enemy another day!”

In case you didn’t know, low self-esteem causes the concept of loving yourself to seem foreign. You literally have no iota of love for yourself, because you see yourself as unworthy-unworthy of love or any of the good things of life. Permit me to say but people with low self-esteem ‘can’ be good at giving but not receiving love. I used can because the love these people give isn’t a healthy kind of love, it is a love borne out of hatred for themselves.

A relationship with someone with low self-esteem will hardly be a healthy one; these people will always look for affirmation in the ones they are in a relationship with, which is very dangerous. This is why I always encourage people to work on themselves and be comfortable in their own skin before they bring another party into the scene.

A healthy self-esteem improves by changing both your thoughts and behaviours. Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind… you have to practice new healthy thoughts by filling your mind with the Word of God. Only what God says about you should be final and important in your life. You must also practice new behaviours, the things you did before that fails to glorify God should be brought to a halt. You should continue to practice these things to maintain a healthy love for yourself and to remind yourself of just how powerful God’s love is for you.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Twitter LagosBeautyBlog

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#MySelfEsteemAndI Consumed by Self Hate

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I’ve tried at several times to put down my story, but each time, I’ve stopped along the way. Hopefully, I’ll be able to finish this one.

My parents separated shortly after I was born, so I never got to live with us together as a family. Not too long after my fifth birthday, I had to move in with my Aunt and her family, and I’ve been there ever since.

My Aunt is a great person at heart, but thing is, I was quite stubborn as a kid, and she had to correct me a lot. In doing this, she usually tore me down, and it was only a matter of time before I began to feel worthless. I began to feel like I wasn’t good enough for anything, so I shrunk myself, and generally withdrew to myself. I did and still do not have a lot of friends as a result.

Her secondary school days went by without much incidence. I wasn’t bullied or anything, but I always felt the need to hide, because if people noticed me, they will see me for exactly what I was: dirty and worthless. For some reason, a certain incidence that happened while I was in SS2 has stuck with me. I was one of the students shortlisted to be a school prefect, and all nominees were expected to be interviewed before being assigned posts. I could not bring myself to go for the interview. I just could not imagine being in front of so many of my teachers all at once. Yes, I most people feared going into staff rooms and stuff like that, but this was a situation where I could potentially become perfect (you probably know how big a deal that was), but I did not think it was enough reason to risk coming out of my shell.

University came and things got worse. I noticed for the first time while I was in my first year, exactly how short I am. This was an obsession I carried about for about three years. More than half the time I was thinking about how my height. I ruminated on this for hours and coupled with the already existing self-loathing, I became extremely withdrawn. As a result, I did not have a lot of friends. I still do not have a lot of friends. The opposite sex became a no-go area for me.

In your post, you said your low self-esteem drove you to boys that were not compatible with you. For me, the reverse was the case. I was and still am convinced that I’m not good enough for any girl. I even convinced myself that because of this, I was not going to get married, because no woman deserves to have to be with me. By the time I was 18, I had done extensive research on and knew pretty much everything about single parent surrogacy. I was certain that was what I was going to do. Thankfully, I’m not so certain anymore, but it is something I still consider every once in a while.

My depressive bouts are now less frequent and severe. They used to last for days, and sometimes when they got really bad, I considered (although not for too long) hurting myself. They don’t come as frequently anymore (probably because I’m usually quite busy), and mostly not as severe, they still get pretty bad sometimes.

There’s a lot more I want to say, but I feel like it would only be me boring you with the details of my life. Hope I haven’t bored you too much already.

It still feels weird talking (or writing) to someone about this. There’s a lot more I could and should say, hopefully, I’ll be able to do so soon.

I will like to end this by saying that we have been working on his self-esteem for a couple of months now and I am proud to say that he has finally found a girl that he can talk to and be free with (I hope this leads to something serious because he is so into her). He has a more positive view of himself, and he has begun to experiment with new things, even a new look! Yay. There is still a lot to work on but he has made tremendous improvement and I am so proud to have been with him all the step of the way.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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#MySelfEsteemAndI The Bearded Lady: Harnaam Kaur

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The first time I saw her, I assumed she was a guy wearing makeup-forgive me. I was scrolling through my explore page on Instagram and saw what seemed like a guy wearing makeup, but there was something about his face that called to me usually I refresh the page but something urged me to open that picture. I did, and what a glorious day it was! It was a girl! And she was embracing everything about her.

Harnaam Kaur started growing a beard at the age of 11, this led to her constantly removing her facial hair and sometimes bleaching it. She battled being bullied at school, she had to endure stares from people when she was walking the streets, she endured the terrible names she was being called and even death threats.

All of these affected her self-worth to the point that she started to self-harm and eventually considered suicide. Self-harming was her way of punishing her body for being the way it was.

She put a halt to all of that when she had enough of people bullying her and self-harming.

‘As I sat there, I started to counsel myself. I told myself: ‘The energy you are putting into ending your life, put all that energy into turning your life around and doing something better.’

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She decided to be baptised as a Sikh, a religious commitment that forbids cutting hair. This decision to be baptised came from the belief that everyone needs to keep their bodies intact, just the way it was given by God. Though the baptism was done for religious reasons but as the years have gone by she has grown to keep it for personal reasons.

‘It makes me feel like a brave, confident woman who isn’t afraid to break society’s norms.’

Harnaam is now a body-confidence and anti-bullying activist. She has learnt to embrace her unique look and she is constantly encouraging others to do the same.

“Once you have learnt to love yourself for who you are, whatever anyone has to say about you will not bother you because you are content.”

I think you are amazing. I love that you love your body and I love that you are against bullying, I love that you are encouraging people to love their bodies.

I do hope I meet you. I will give you the biggest hug and love you as Jesus wants me to.

Read about Polycystic Ovary Syndrome here

Please read more about her

This Bearded Model made History by killing the catwalk

Woman with facial hair poses in wedding dress

Flower Bearded Bridals with Kaur Harnaam

Follow her on Instagram

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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