#MySelfEsteemandI Bodyposipanda’s Guide to Self Love

www.lagosbeautyblogger.wordpress.com

I came across Megan Jayne Crabbe via her Instagram page and I immediately fell in love with her. She’s a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul, and the best part is that we are age mates. Yay! Megan Jayne Crabbe is a recovered anorexic and self-loather, trying her best to shatter the ‘not good enough’ mentality that we’ve all been taught about our bodies. If you follow her Instagram, you will know that she is a big fan of belly roll love, and she loves exposing diet industry lies and wearing pastels.

“YOU’LL NEVER HATE YOURSELF INTO LOVING YOURSELF”.

I started comparing my body to other people when I was five years old. I remember sitting in those tiny school chairs and being horrified at how much more space my thighs took up than the girl’s next to me. Five years old and I’d already heard the world’s message loud and clear – shrink yourself. I used to hold my stomach in until it hurt. I was five years old and already obsessed with how I looked, I was already brainwashed into believing that I needed to look as thin as possible at all times to be worth something; to anyone. I was always thinking of how to be small. Be beautiful, “our kind of beautiful”, at any cost. Under the spotlights of growing up, those body image demons grew into something bigger, something hungrier, and something that left no trace of me behind.

You can get there. Maybe right now you can't see a way out. Maybe you've been dragged into the depths of self hatred, and you just can't see a way back up. We've all been poisoned by a world that profits from us hating our bodies, and if they had their way we'd be tied down forever. Paying for their impossible idea of perfection with our money, our self esteem, our happiness. But I know that you can break free. Because I did. You just have to believe that you can. You have more strength inside of yourself than you will ever know. You are powerful. Powerful enough to rip off those chains holding you down, and refuse to believe that you aren't good enough any longer. You've spent enough of your life shackled by other people's expectations. It's time to be free, and embrace the beautiful body positive warrior that's been in you all along. If this girl can get there, I know that you can too. 💜💙💚🌈🌞

A post shared by Megan Jayne Crabbe 🐼 (@bodyposipanda) on

I was fifteen years old and almost starved to death. None of it took the hate away; it only helped it to grow. I had so many dreams of the body that would FINALLY make me happy. I would’ve traded anything for it because I knew that once I got there, then my life would really start. But here’s the truth: there is no magic pill, potion or diet plan that will turn self-hate into self-love. And the biggest secret that diet culture doesn’t want you to know? Happiness is not a body type. Fulfilment isn’t dropping dress sizes. Self-love isn’t found in starvation and LIFE ISN’T FOR LIVING 10 POUNDS FROM NOW! Life is already happening, and you’re already good enough to live it in the body you have right now.

Years later my best friend told me that when we were young she thought I was a princess because my hair touched the ground when we sat in those tiny school chairs. Her own was white blonde and curled, soft and glowing and beautiful. I’m not sure she ever saw it clearly; she was too busy comparing it to mine.

I want you to know that this isn't your fault. All those thoughts about your body, all those things you hate about yourself – they didn't spring to life all by themselves. You live in a world that has taught you self hatred so well, and for that you hold no blame. It's not your fault that this world made you believe that your beauty can be seen in a mirror alone. It's dazed you with a blur of magazine covers and makeover shows. It's not your fault that this world tells you to value thin over everything, closing it's eyes to the people that sends to an early grave. Nobody told you that you don't exist to look like an empty image of photoshopped 'perfection'. Nobody told you don't exist to be looked at. If I could, I'd take you away. I'd put you in a world that teaches the truth – that you exist as so much more than a body. So when you're struggling, when those thoughts won't go away, when all the body positivity in the world won't quiet those voices. Just know that it isn't your fault. And that somewhere, there's another world where you can see how beautiful you really are. 💜💙💚🌈🌞

A post shared by Megan Jayne Crabbe 🐼 (@bodyposipanda) on

And that’s what we do every day. We don’t see ourselves clearly because we look at ourselves through a lens of every ‘perfect’ beauty we’ve ever compared ourselves to. We wish away our differences; we shrink ourselves smaller and smaller, until for some of us there’s nothing left. We spend so much time wishing that we never realise we were perfect, to begin with. We were princesses. We were artists. We were athletes. We were explorers. We were everything we ever dreamed of being before the comparison crept in. And we always were, we still are, beautiful. We just need to stop letting the world blind us to it.

The next time you look in the mirror; ask yourself if self-hate is really working. Ask yourself if you’re willing to spend your whole life at war with your body, trying to hate it into something else. And if you’ve had enough, like I know we all have, and then it’s time to try self-love.

This love is what you have deserved all along.

Let's talk about weight gain. I've done a hell of a lot of it in my time. During recovery I literally tripled my body weight in a year (shout out to Mars bars). On the left is one of my first ever body positive posts on here, about 9 months ago. And it doesn't take much scrolling to find a plethora of pictures where I have quite a bit less jiggle than I do now. And that doesn't bother me in the slightest. Because the only thing that's changed in those two pictures is my weight. I'm still the same me. The same mind, the same heart, the same memories, the same dreams. Nothing that counts as a valuable measure of my worth as a person has changed. None of us exist for the purpose of maintaining some perfect body dictated to us by ridiculous cultural standards. Our worth does not decrease with the fluctuations of our weight. We are capable of such spectacular things – of kindness, love, creativity, intelligence and adventure. Of living! And I'm no longer going to let the size I wear or the number I weigh stop me from doing just that. And feeling fabulous while I'm at it. 💁💜💙🌈🌞

A post shared by Megan Jayne Crabbe 🐼 (@bodyposipanda) on

You can follow her journey here.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

Twitter LagosBeautyBlog

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