#MySelfEsteemAndI Breaking Fat Girl Fashion Rules

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I haven’t always had a good relationship with my arms, hating the extra bulk, but these are also the arms that I use to hug my family and friends, that help my brush my teeth, write my papers, do my job. They are the arms that help me swim, and eat pizza, and comfort a friend. These are the arms I graze my body with to show it, love, the arms I pull a man closer with, the arms that I proudly show off when dancing at the club or walking around my beautiful neighbourhood. Life is too exciting to let something like a little extra fat on my arms hold me back, but we all know that we have let that arm fat stop us before.

Sometimes I find it silly that as a fat woman, something as ordinary as the way I dress makes a statement.  As a fat woman, my life is under surveillance, how I dress, what I eat, if I’m happy; these are all things people feel they can notice and comment on. By breaking fat girl fashion rules, by not hiding that I eat, by living a life of happiness and fulfilment, and not one that’s sole purpose is to lose weight and become smaller my ordinary actions, things we all do, suddenly become acts of rebellion. I will embrace this, but I also hope for a day where my body will simply become ordinary, where the scrutiny of my life will cease to exist, whereby simply living I will no longer be making a statement other than that I love myself and my life. I hope for a day where diversity is not seen as deviance but as beauty and strength. Until then, I’ll keep breaking the rules by demanding the space and the ability to live how I want to live, eat what I want to eat, wear what I want to wear and move how and where I want to move.

Stop allowing the fat on your arms or any other area of your body hold you back.

Just stop.

Stop.

You are so much more! And it’s just extra squish. You are capable and worthy. And if you don’t have fatty arms, stop shaming people who do. Our arms are beautiful not for the way they look (whether skinny or fat) but for what they do! So live a life of no body shame, fat or thin, young or old. Be the living breathing fiercely passionate beautiful being you are!

🍝->🍸 #louisville #🎂 #bodypositive #sunsoutbellysout #croptop

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I don’t buy into the narrative that I am less of a whole human because I am fat. The narrative that says my whole life is about shrinking myself. I don’t buy into the idea that I’m not beautiful or that I am disgusting and lazy. I don’t buy it anymore and I don’t want any of us too. Because there are a lot of us fat women, fat people. And we are wonderful and smart and inspiring, and fun, and sad sometimes, and we are mothers, sisters, lovers, partners, and friends. We are here making this world go round in some of the most lovely ways. So I’m proud of this little space I take up online where I get to preach and be body positive So I wanted to share with you, because you all have been a part of this journey, some since I was a little girl, some since I was neck deep in body shame, some since the very first picture was posted here. I am grateful every day for you letting me be a part of your lives and you being a part of mine. No matter who you are, you get to take up space, you are valuable, and you are wonderful! Let’s keep changing the world!

Just over a year ago I started posting pictures of myself online. It might not seem like anything extraordinary, but for me it was. As a fat woman, I had hidden from the reality of my body for so long and in turn that made me shrink from life in so many ways. Today this account hit 100,000 followers, and while followers aren’t any real measure of my own journey, this piece of my life is something that I’m proud of. I’m proud to be a part of the Body Positive community. It’s something I believe in because not only do we have too much body negativity in our world (experienced by everyone), but I also recognise the unique experiences fat people especially fat women face.

This has been a space for me to share my life, my personal style, the ways I’ve begun to use my body, to get in touch with it again, to make it my friend and not my enemy. It’s a space I get to interact with other people who have felt and feel like their fat bodies make them less valuable, less worthy of love and friendship, and less capable. It’s a place we get to be cute and celebrate who we are holistically. It’s also a place where the reality of fat shame and fat hate become all too apparent.

She had this to say about the Body Positive Movement, “My favorite thing about this movement is that it’s a space where women/femmes not only get to love on themselves but that that it’s also a place where women/femmes get to celebrate each other and in a way that doesn’t put our own bodies down. I’m more than cool with that after years of comparing my body to others, constantly recalculating my worth based on positioning myself against other women nearby. I’m tired of that.

Playing dress up in my @smartglamour Iris Crop Top and Juno Taffeta Skirt that Mallorie made specifically for me. It's a part of their Bridal and Special Occasion line but really can work for any spring event. Also the crop top will look cute with just about anything ❤️❤️❤️. Check out their site to get your own custom made pieces or she is actually having a pop up in Nashville today so if you are in that area go check it out: "We are bringing our special brand of shopping to Nashville for a one day pop up. May 1st, 11am-5pm at Atmalogy (2320 West End Avenue, Nashville, TN, 37203) Shop designs of every size (XXS-6X and beyond) for the same price, together in one space – customize any item to your liking! Every piece is under $100 and ethically made in NYC. Complimentary wine will be served, first come first serve." This as usual comes on so many different colors and can be made in any size! #effyourbeautystandards #bodypositivity #honormycurves #plussize #bridal #bridesmaid

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Side note: I also think that’s why the Body Positivity of fat people rubs people the wrong way. People who have defined their worth by comparing themselves to fat women/femmes their entire lives don’t know how to love themselves outside of the thought that “at least I am not fat like…” My fat body does not exist for you to put down so you can feel better about yourself. There is space for all of us at the self-love table, at the confidence brunch, and “feeling myself” feast. If you are defining your own worth by comparing your body to other women around you, you’re buying into a game we didn’t create and that oppresses us all. Learn to love your body and your whole being outside of the context of others and celebrate other women/femmes in the process!

You can follow her on Instagram here

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

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#MySelfEsteemAndI Weight Loss isn’t always Good #ChooseLifeWarrior

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I love Danielle Galvin. She is twenty-three years of age and she has suffered through eating disorders, excessive exercise addictions, depression and anxiety. She owns Chooselifewarrior.com and she blogs to spread awareness about the stigmatized world of mental illness. She started Chooselifewarrior.com in an attempt to claw her way back from a slight relapse during her time in self-hate land, during this period, she would often use social media and the internet to harm herself, set “goals” and connect with unhealthy ideologies.

I love Danielle because she is fat and proud, it wasn’t easy for her to get to where she is, but she made the process worth it.

She says “I’m fat. I don’t owe it you to have a reason, medical or otherwise. I don’t need to promote a big message about how I’m trying to lose weight so that you feel better. I don’t feel the need to share what I ate for lunch or how far I can run. I don’t need to feel bad about my weight, I don’t owe an explanation. My body is mine, I’m fat.

When I was eighteen years old, I desperately wanted to be beautiful, be everything I “never was”. I was tortured with the idea that I was disgusting, fat and on the regular I threw up, I exercised till I passed out and I punished my body for not being perfect. Now, I am more secure, confident, happy and wanting to live even though I’m bigger. The idea of losing weight is more profitable, positive and promoted in people’s eyes than the means. There is a fine line between dieting and eating disorders and the most common risk factor for triggering an eating disorder or relapsing into a past one is dieting. I don’t care if you’ve lost weight. I care about your mental health and my transformation is as simple and beautiful as this. On the left us an eighteen years old girl who thought about taking her own life frequently! She thought the world would be better off without her; she had battled for years with an eating disorder. Weight loss may not always be an unhealthy practice, but praising all weight loss despite knowing the reasons behind or even perhaps the eating disorders lurking that to me makes me sad. Weight loss isn’t always good.

☕️☕️☕️ Today turned into a day of shopping. Sometimes I forget how diverse – wonderful – amazing & beautiful Cairns is. There are some wickedly talented people here & I encourage you to check them out. Buying Local & Handmade is such an important part to keep a cities culture alive. These stores I visited today we're all hand crafted and stock local artists. None of these amazing shops get the recognition they deserve! So I am giving them a plug! In Cairns? make it your mission to go to these stores. Live elsewhere? Plenty of them have online shops. Get on it! 🎨@creativespacesbymissmarci (In Gordonvale & Online) 💍@dearpearlvintage (Cairns – Grafton St Oceania Walk) 👒@vintageseeker1 (Cairns – Grafton St Oceania Walk) 🍆🌸@eggplantandpoppy (Cairns – Grafton St Oceania Walk) 👑@timberandcotton (Online & Cairns/Outer Markets) ✨✨@makin_whoopee_shop (Cairns – amazing 9 week pop up shop installation down from Oceania Walk near @caffiened_cairns which is a foodies dream, they have beyond incredible coffee and food. A Cairns must!) ☕️💖. {Outfit Details • Shorts @kmartaus • Top is actually a full piece swimsuit by @curvyswimwear • Cover Up Cotton On • Shoes also @kmartaus }

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Eating disorders are hell, lonely, sad, isolating, and cold. It is pain and suffering, and they leave your loved ones feeling scared, upset, and confused. Eating disorders are not a choice, neither is it a healthy a lifestyle. They are years wasted and many lives ruined.

Weight loss is a side effect for some people with some eating disorders. I was never thin or skinny. I was purging, obsessively exercising and I almost died but I was never thin. Eating Disorders are serious regardless of size. You deserve self-love, you deserve recovery, and you deserve happiness.”

You can follow her on Instagram here

On Youtube here

On twitter here

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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#MySelfEsteemandI Bodyposipanda’s Guide to Self Love

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I came across Megan Jayne Crabbe via her Instagram page and I immediately fell in love with her. She’s a beautiful woman with a beautiful soul, and the best part is that we are age mates. Yay! Megan Jayne Crabbe is a recovered anorexic and self-loather, trying her best to shatter the ‘not good enough’ mentality that we’ve all been taught about our bodies. If you follow her Instagram, you will know that she is a big fan of belly roll love, and she loves exposing diet industry lies and wearing pastels.

“YOU’LL NEVER HATE YOURSELF INTO LOVING YOURSELF”.

I started comparing my body to other people when I was five years old. I remember sitting in those tiny school chairs and being horrified at how much more space my thighs took up than the girl’s next to me. Five years old and I’d already heard the world’s message loud and clear – shrink yourself. I used to hold my stomach in until it hurt. I was five years old and already obsessed with how I looked, I was already brainwashed into believing that I needed to look as thin as possible at all times to be worth something; to anyone. I was always thinking of how to be small. Be beautiful, “our kind of beautiful”, at any cost. Under the spotlights of growing up, those body image demons grew into something bigger, something hungrier, and something that left no trace of me behind.

You can get there. Maybe right now you can't see a way out. Maybe you've been dragged into the depths of self hatred, and you just can't see a way back up. We've all been poisoned by a world that profits from us hating our bodies, and if they had their way we'd be tied down forever. Paying for their impossible idea of perfection with our money, our self esteem, our happiness. But I know that you can break free. Because I did. You just have to believe that you can. You have more strength inside of yourself than you will ever know. You are powerful. Powerful enough to rip off those chains holding you down, and refuse to believe that you aren't good enough any longer. You've spent enough of your life shackled by other people's expectations. It's time to be free, and embrace the beautiful body positive warrior that's been in you all along. If this girl can get there, I know that you can too. 💜💙💚🌈🌞

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I was fifteen years old and almost starved to death. None of it took the hate away; it only helped it to grow. I had so many dreams of the body that would FINALLY make me happy. I would’ve traded anything for it because I knew that once I got there, then my life would really start. But here’s the truth: there is no magic pill, potion or diet plan that will turn self-hate into self-love. And the biggest secret that diet culture doesn’t want you to know? Happiness is not a body type. Fulfilment isn’t dropping dress sizes. Self-love isn’t found in starvation and LIFE ISN’T FOR LIVING 10 POUNDS FROM NOW! Life is already happening, and you’re already good enough to live it in the body you have right now.

Years later my best friend told me that when we were young she thought I was a princess because my hair touched the ground when we sat in those tiny school chairs. Her own was white blonde and curled, soft and glowing and beautiful. I’m not sure she ever saw it clearly; she was too busy comparing it to mine.

I want you to know that this isn't your fault. All those thoughts about your body, all those things you hate about yourself – they didn't spring to life all by themselves. You live in a world that has taught you self hatred so well, and for that you hold no blame. It's not your fault that this world made you believe that your beauty can be seen in a mirror alone. It's dazed you with a blur of magazine covers and makeover shows. It's not your fault that this world tells you to value thin over everything, closing it's eyes to the people that sends to an early grave. Nobody told you that you don't exist to look like an empty image of photoshopped 'perfection'. Nobody told you don't exist to be looked at. If I could, I'd take you away. I'd put you in a world that teaches the truth – that you exist as so much more than a body. So when you're struggling, when those thoughts won't go away, when all the body positivity in the world won't quiet those voices. Just know that it isn't your fault. And that somewhere, there's another world where you can see how beautiful you really are. 💜💙💚🌈🌞

A post shared by Megan Jayne Crabbe 🐼 (@bodyposipanda) on

And that’s what we do every day. We don’t see ourselves clearly because we look at ourselves through a lens of every ‘perfect’ beauty we’ve ever compared ourselves to. We wish away our differences; we shrink ourselves smaller and smaller, until for some of us there’s nothing left. We spend so much time wishing that we never realise we were perfect, to begin with. We were princesses. We were artists. We were athletes. We were explorers. We were everything we ever dreamed of being before the comparison crept in. And we always were, we still are, beautiful. We just need to stop letting the world blind us to it.

The next time you look in the mirror; ask yourself if self-hate is really working. Ask yourself if you’re willing to spend your whole life at war with your body, trying to hate it into something else. And if you’ve had enough, like I know we all have, and then it’s time to try self-love.

This love is what you have deserved all along.

Let's talk about weight gain. I've done a hell of a lot of it in my time. During recovery I literally tripled my body weight in a year (shout out to Mars bars). On the left is one of my first ever body positive posts on here, about 9 months ago. And it doesn't take much scrolling to find a plethora of pictures where I have quite a bit less jiggle than I do now. And that doesn't bother me in the slightest. Because the only thing that's changed in those two pictures is my weight. I'm still the same me. The same mind, the same heart, the same memories, the same dreams. Nothing that counts as a valuable measure of my worth as a person has changed. None of us exist for the purpose of maintaining some perfect body dictated to us by ridiculous cultural standards. Our worth does not decrease with the fluctuations of our weight. We are capable of such spectacular things – of kindness, love, creativity, intelligence and adventure. Of living! And I'm no longer going to let the size I wear or the number I weigh stop me from doing just that. And feeling fabulous while I'm at it. 💁💜💙🌈🌞

A post shared by Megan Jayne Crabbe 🐼 (@bodyposipanda) on

You can follow her journey here.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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#MySelfEsteemAndI You are a Diamond

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There are so many things dealing with low self-esteem ensures you do not enjoy and one of them is that you will never know the joy of celebrating the person you are, flaws and all. You often ask yourself what exactly it is you are celebrating and you fail to see the diamond buried beneath all the dirt.

You are a diamond, a very expensive one, bought by the blood of Jesus; never allow negative words tell you differently.

You are unique in your way.

There are different types of diamond, and they are not made the same; they are different and beautiful in their own way. A black diamond is as beautiful as a clear one; if not more beautiful. Just because you aren’t made to look like a ‘seemingly beautiful person’ doesn’t mean you cannot shine as much maybe even brighter than they do.

I have been extremely aware of my body lately and although I have no idea why I have come to love it. I love every single part of me, every single stretch mark, and every curve. I strongly believe that every part of me is a beautiful specimen and I cannot help but give God all the glory for delivering me from the torture I was in. It took a while for me to get to where I am, but I am certain you will get over it easier.

It’s okay to that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.

It’s okay to look at your hips when you pass by a mirror and bless God because you know He did you good.

It’s okay to whip your hair when you pass by a couple of guys cause you know you are everything every guy needs and more.

It’s okay to think your stretch marks are amazing

It’s okay to think your tummy is the sexiest even as it wiggles and giggles.

It’s okay to love yourself insanely and marvel at how wonderful you are.

 

A lot of women have been speaking up about ‘loving your body’ on Instagram and my heart soars with joy every time I see a post about loving your body because it shows that this battle isn’t picky, it doesn’t focus on a specific person or a specific race, everyone struggles with body issues but your refusal to give in is what guarantees your victory.

One post that touched me amongst all the many (I will post all my favourite ones) is from Hadiiya Barbel. She’s a wonderful woman. She recently challenged her followers to something and I think you should challenge yourself as well

The challenge is to embrace ALL of YOU.

From the cellulite on your hips, to the jiggle on your thighs.

From the cushion on your waistline, to the tears in your eyes.

Remove from that place of no love.

Transformation begins first in your attitude.

So adorn yourself in any way you choose….lose any weight that you want to lose….whatever makes you feel good then do….but always remember to proudly celebrate YOU…………at every level, any hairstyle, any body shape, and financial state

And yes it’s ok to think your hot As F**k!!!!!”

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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#MySelfEsteemAndI 8 Things I Wish I Had Known About Guys

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I have been in a few relationships over the past years looking for things I assumed men could give me; love, acceptance, e.t.c. It was of late that I realised that a man cannot give me some certain things. I have to be content in myself and in who I am becoming before I can ever appreciate anything any man can and will give me.

Being in several relationships taught me some things. These things I have written down, maybe some of you will learn and appreciate the man you have now. Each of my exes was amazing in their own way, but my low self-worth and constant searching for what I thought they could give me never really made me content.

In addition to the fact that I am extremely stubborn and dramatic

These are the things I wish I knew before getting into any relationship.

Men Don’t Pick Up On Subtle Clues

I think this is the most frustrating thing about dating any guy. I don’t know why they cannot decode, but they can’t. You have to make sure he gets the message and the only way you can do this is by voicing out what you feel.

Men Will Talk About Feelings

Guys like to talk about their feelings when you aren’t forcing down how much you care about them. He will not talk about his feelings out of the blue like you would, but when he does, understand that he means every word he says.

Men Like Pleasing Their Partner

Guys actually like to see you happy. Forget about all the evil things you have heard about guys, guys like to please. Your pleasure is important to your man. He likes to know that he is the reason you can’t stop smiling and so on.

However, he is not a magician; he will not know some things unless you tell him. It is important you are confident enough to talk about what you want and what you like in a way that it doesn’t bruise his ego.

He Listens

I got into an argument with one of my ex’s at one time. I was giving him as far as I was concerned the gist of the century and it didn’t seem like he was paying attention. We got into an argument because as far as I was concerned if you aren’t focused on me when I am giving you a hot gist, you are not listening.

Note to self. Not all guys will be focused on you or glued to your every word when you are talking, it doesn’t mean they aren’t listening, it just shows that he is different.

They Need Time For Themselves

The most painful thing any guy can tell a needy girl is ‘I need time to myself’. Biko, what time do you need to yourself? Guys have told me this before and it was a knife was passed right through me, I mean, am I not enough time to yourself?

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with you or around you. He just needs time to himself.

They Learn From Their Fathers

Get to know his dad. I cannot overemphasise this. Get to know his dad. See how your man is around his family. This will show you how he will be around you.

He loves when you love what he loves

Guys tend to take things a bit further.  Ladies tend to show they care by sharing thoughts and feelings while guys like doing things together.

Men Will Stray

I often wondered why men cheat, and I have realised that all men love to be loved in a certain way and if he doesn’t feel loved or appreciated in the way he wants. He may just turn elsewhere. Men interpret different actions as you loving them. Some guys just want you to talk to them, some want you to be very open, and some just want to be with and around you.

The same applies to women if a girl doesn’t feel loved or appreciated the way she wants. She will cheat.

Men Love With Actions

Like I have mentioned before, he might not love you the way you want or think you need to be loved. But, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you as much as the next guy will. Some guys love with actions and others with words.

 

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#MySelfEsteemandI My Mum and My Self Esteem

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I do not remember most of my childhood; everything from my secondary to my primary school days is really a blur. I hardly remember people, I do not remember events, and for a long time I thought the problem was with my brain, but I realise that I purposely shut those parts out because they were my dark years.

Although I do not remember events, I remember the way I felt I always felt. I always felt confused, alone, rejected, unworthy, and a host of other negative emotions coupled with rebellion. I invented ways to be rebellious; sometimes I wonder to what end, I just ended up hurting my parents.

I have always been certain of my father’s love for me. It is so rooted in my heart and in the very core of my being. I mean I am his favourite, even in the midst of the negative emotions and the whips that coursed through my body, I always knew he loved me and I always know that anything I ask for, he will give.

My relationship with my mum was different. I think it was a God and Israel kind of relationship, she always longed for me to love her and to show just how much she loved me, but I was too stubborn and too focused on rebelling that I didn’t see it. We did not have the best relationship when I was growing up, when my siblings would sit around her and tell her of their day, I was either watching television or just minding my business. And I remember that she will always ask “what is wrong with you, why are you different from your sisters.”

I always answered her with a blank stare because I also didn’t know why I was different, why I was hesitant, why I was insecure and why I cried a lot.

My family realised I had low self-esteem about two years ago, but, they didn’t know how bad it was. I had just told my dad that I will not be going for a Masters because I just didn’t believe I would do well. My dad told my mum, and as a proper Yoruba woman who loved her child, she told my siblings. Everybody became therapists; it was the worse time for me psychologically and emotionally.

She woke up me up with bible passages and stories that touched. Encouraging sermons, I mean my mother went all out, sending me different links and what not. They did not help, she and every member of my family successfully made me feel odd.

I understood that they were trying to help, but they ended up choking me.

I moved out of the house in the month of February, I started staying at a relative’s because their place is closer to my office than my house. I had been away from home before but I think that this time it was different for my mum and I because we had started to bond, it was easy to talk to her, rub mind and just be mum and daughter.

Then on the 9th of April, I decided to go home, I didn’t tell anyone I was going home, it was my nephew’s birthday and I decided to surprise him.

I ended up being surprised.

As I walked into the house, my mum was the first to see me. She screamed so loud and held on to me for so long. She was so excited to see me; one would think I was gone for a year. But, it was a good feeling and from that moment on, something locked in my spirit.

My mum loves me.

She loves my rebellious way, she loves my rigid ways. She loves my crooked teeth and my gigantic nose.

My mum in two minutes broke all the walls she had been trying to break for the past twenty-three years.

I don’t think she has ever displayed that much love to me she might have and I was too busy being rebellious to notice.

Sometimes, people with low self-esteem do not need the sermons and the therapy, we just need a hug. I had no idea how powerful hugs were until my mum hugged me.

You have no idea how powerful love is until you realise that Jesus died on the cross for you. That’s how worthy you are, that’s how loved you are, that’s how perfect you are, that how forgiven you are. He took your place, took your punishment so that you may be reconciled to the God forever.

I am always here if you want to talk.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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