It’s been almost nine months since I decided to stay off relationships and it has helped my overall sense of self-worth. I was in a series of unhealthy relationships-I am sure my exes would disagree, but for me, because of my poor self-esteem, all my relationships failed.
Plus, I am incredibly stubborn.
This has been a trying experience for me because I always want to be in a relationship. I don’t know, maybe it helped with my self-worth. Having a relationship meant ‘someone wanted me’, it is really stupid now that I think about it but when it comes to persons with low self-esteem having a relationship means you are worthy to be loved. It means you are special; we do not stay or have relationships because we ‘want’ to. We stay in relationships because we ‘need’ these relationships to help fill a gaping hole in our heart.
I do not think enough attention has been paid to self-esteem. People just dismiss persons with low self-esteem as being shy or they say that ‘he or she will get over it.’ Bad news, some of us don’t get over it.
Your self-esteem can either improve your life or keep you frustrated.
You cannot love until you have learnt to love yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. You cannot appreciate the way another human being will love you if you have not learnt to love yourself. You will always continue to believe that the person doesn’t love or want you. You will always feel unworthy of love, you will always sense that the person is cheating; you will always be scared of the person leaving you. The person may be the most amazing lover but to you, the person will always come short.
Having low self-worth is very dangerous. Especially when it comes to relationships, this is because you feel so unworthy of love, you settle with whoever comes your way and even though you know this person is bad for you, you stay because you are afraid that nobody else will want you.
THIS IS A BIG LIE!
From personal experience and my discussions with other people, I have realised that because of this feeling of unworthiness, persons with low self-esteem try really hard to make relationships work. This was reaffirmed by a research by the University of Waterloo.
They discovered that sufferers of low self-esteem tend not to voice relationship complaints with their partner because they fear rejection. “There is a perception that people with low self-esteem tend to be more negative and complain a lot more,” says Megan McCarthy the study’s author and a PhD candidate in the Department of Psychology. “While that may be the case in some social situations, our study suggests that in romantic relationships, the partner with low self-esteem resists addressing problems.” Instead of voicing out our fears or complaints;
- We try hard to please in order to win the love and attention of someone we have a deep affection for; this is a very silly notion because love is not a game so there’s nothing to win.
- When our needs aren’t met by the ones we love, we become very angry. Failing to realise that nobody will love you exactly the way you want to be loved, people profess love differently, you can only appreciate how they love you.
- Some of us just feel they must be deserving of ‘half love’ and they conclude that they are unlovable. People under this category usually move from relationship to relationship finding that ‘perfect’ someone to love them in a perfect way.
- Persons with low self-esteem will do anything to keep the significant other in the relationship. They will go to any lengths to keep the significant other in the relationship. The significant other becomes an idol in their hearts. He or she becomes the reason for the persons every breath.
Overcoming low self-esteem is not something that happens in a day or even a year, it is a deliberate effort to shut down the negative voices in your head.
Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self-esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.
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Image Source Teddy Kelley