“I have low self-esteem and I always have. Guys always cheated on me with women who were European-looking. You know the long hair type. Really beautiful women that left me thinking, ‘How I can I compete with that?’ Being a regular black girl wasn’t good enough.”
Lil Kim like some of us has never truly understood what it means to be loved unconditionally.
She had always suffered her father’s disapproval, and that breaks my heart. “It was like I could do nothing right,” she says. “Everything about me was wrong–my hair, my clothes, just me.” After the divorce, she tried to stay with her mother, but money was tight and her father won custody.
As unsure as I was of myself and my self-worth, I could always run to my dad whenever I needed a whole lot of loving. He always had love in his eyes for me; he always had a smile for me, and even when I was being naughty, his words always sounded soft because I was certain of his love for me.
The world failed Lil Kim, and it is still failing a lot of women, a lot of men, a lot of girls and a lot of guys. Low self-esteem doesn’t happen overnight, it is not something we are born with, it is a phenomenon we are born into. Every negative word was spoken, every disapproving glance, every comparison we are forced to endure all stirs up something which eventually locks on the inside of each and every one of us. Some are lucky enough to shake it away. A large number of us have to go through each day wondering if we will ever be good enough.
I have heard about Lil Kim, her plastic surgeries and the works, I also watched the Notorious B.I.G movie, but I was younger and still consumed with my own inadequacies that I didn’t realise that all these things were a cry for help. Lil Kim has been trying to change so many things on the outside, without realising that healing and acceptance of who and whose you are comes from within.
Oh! How I wish I could love you with the love Jesus has shown to me and with the acceptance He has given me despite my shortcomings. How I wish I could I erase every negative word that was said about and to you. Every single word.
I’d hold you so close and tell you what someone said’ “God took the time to create you exactly the way He wanted. He didn’t mess up or regret creating you. You are perfect just the way you are Kim.”
Just the way you are. He loves every single part of you. He loves everything about you, every mistake you have made, every bad road you have gone into; they all make Him love you all the more.
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