#MySelfEsteemandI Raising Your Self Esteem Using The Bible

I have been following Rashawn Copeland for a while now, and if you follow him you will realise that his ministry is targeted at shedding light on just how much God loves us and how He wants us to be exactly like him. I woke up to his Facebook video today and it sincerely blessed me and I know it will bless anyone who is battling with demons in his or her mind.

What God thinks of you is more important that what men say about you, sometimes, it is even more important than what we think of ourselves.

You are a Masterpiece:   Young queen, your worth is not determined by the number of heads you turn on a given day. It is not determined by the number of “boys” who ask to buy your drink at the club or take you home. It’s NOT determined by the designer clothes, hair, or makeup you purchased attempting to perfect your outer appearance. You are already perfect through the lens of God’s eyes. Hear me, I understand all you’ve ever wanted is to be loved, protected, and cherished.
Listen to me:    You are already a treasure to be treasured. Your heart is a priceless possession. Your beauty is unmatched. Your Crown is magnificent. You are so loved RIGHT NOW by the true King who willingly, without question, gave His life to be with you and to show you just how loved you truly are. Don’t take off your crown for a night of temporal satisfaction- which results in brokenness because it can’t last.

Jesus Christ is waiting to be with you and talk to you tonight. And He will be the best night decision you’ll ever make- and it won’t just last for a night. But for a lifetime. Amen. ‪#‎NoFearInLove‬

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.- Ephesians 2:10

Please, ‪#‎Share‬ this video with your Facebook friends. ‪#‎Tag‬ someone in the comments below you love and care about. We pray this video blesses you and brings you peace. “Don’t Let No Man Half Love You”- Agape International Ministries

Youtube- Rashawn Copeland
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Facebook- Rashawn Copeland / Denisse Encarnacion
Twitter- @Hypesir7 / @Rican_xo
For Speaking Engagements , Merchandise, Daily Devotionals:www.AIMNofearinlove.com
Videographer: Ben Johnson Creative

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#MySelfEsteemAndI My Fear of Public Speaking

I was twenty-one two years ago. It was on a Wednesday. I go for evening services on Wednesdays. I wish I didn’t go on that day.

You see, one thing I hated more than my body was when people focused on me. I detest being the centre of attention. Apart from the fact that it frightens me, it leaves me battering more demons that I can handle.

Before coming on stage or even being called to speak. I’m finished before I start. There are always the “what if’s” and “why did I’s”. Coming down from the stage, I am bombarded with what did you just do? That was terrible? Nobody smiled? You did terribly.

The dreaded steps towards the stage are always a torture. I count my steps to distract me from the tornado of negativity that goes on in my mind. It doesn’t help. They seem to sound louder as I get closer to my destructor.

That Wednesday, a chair was put right before the altar. Everyone’s focus was one. With smiles, they sang and prayed for me. My head was down throughout. And not because I am humble but because I noticed how short my skirt seemed to have gotten. I also noticed that my feet seemed to have grown uglier. I tried tugging at my skirts to give it an additional length. It didn’t work. So I squirmed on the chair with the intent of hiding my ugly feet. All these happened while songs and prayers were going on. I didn’t hear a word of they said and sang.

The Amen sounded like rapture to me! Yippee! Jesus had come for me. I jumped off the chair.

The usher was startled. He took a step back and asked if I was alright. I smiled in my usual way.

They all assumed I was shy. Shy indeed.

Another incident occurred in school when I had to defend my assignment in front of the class. And like several other project defences, it was a catastrophe. It was Mr Waziri Adisa’s course. I love that man, I really do. He’s a great tutor but I hated him that day. Why on earth did we have to talk about what was already on paper?

Nobody heard anything I said that day. They kept asking me to speak out. Speak out he? I couldn’t remember all the things I had written. I kept moving back and forth, shuffling left and right. People thought I was dancing. They thought I had stage fright.

Good news. I can utter a few words, confidently also. I can preach in church now. I still walk around the church, not from fear, though, I walk around because I’m badass.


#LagosBeautyBlogger You Are Not Ready For A Relationship

Most of us think we are ready for a relationship, but we are actually not. Knowing when you’re ready for a relationship can be a tricky thing. Especially if there are so many amazing guys flocking around you.

If I to take a survey and ask you if are ready for a relationship, almost all will say yes. But, most of you may not be ready or a relationship just yet. I spent a lot of time being in a relationship that I shouldn’t have been in. As excited as you may be to get into a relationship, you might just not be ready for one.

Don’t get me wrong. I love falling in love, having someone special to talk to and build memories with. But, I realised that almost all the relationships I got into were for the wrong reasons.

Just because you crave a relationship doesn’t mean you’re ready for one.

The following reasons prove that you aren’t ready for a relationship:

You still stalk your ex on social media. You are definitely not ready for a relationship if you still stalk your ex. And if you still think about your ex and the times you had together, you haven’t completely gotten over him.

You’re not willing to make changes to your life. If you aren’t ready to change your routine to accommodate another person, you aren’t ready for a relationship.

You’re trying to become the type of person your crush might like. I call people like this chameleons, they adopt a new character and a new personality with every guy they are with.

You spend are always thinking about being in a relationship. If all you ever think about is falling in love, getting married and having kids. You aren’t ready for a relationship. The possibility that you will cling to any guy that comes near you is alarming.

You have low self-esteem. I do not advise anyone with low self-esteem to get into a relation. People with low self-esteem can get very clingy in a relationship and will do everything their partner asks of them, whether they want to or not.

You always choose the wrong guys. If you always date the wrong guys, I think you need to work on yourself and your priorities before getting into another relationship.

If you need a man to feel happy, you aren’t ready for a relationship.

If you can never admit to being in the wrong, and apologise, you shouldn’t be in a relationship.

If you see relationships as a way to distract you from facing your problems, you should not be in one.

If you date anyone that comes your way, you are a serial dater. You are a serial dater. You shouldn’t even be thinking of a relationship.

If you don’t feel the need to connect with someone emotionally, you aren’t ready for a relationship. You are emotionally unavailable.

You feel like the Holy Spirit. If you want to be in a relationship because you assume you can change and help someone, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. You don’t date someone because of how wonderful they are. You want to date someone so you can rescue them from their troubles! You date a person, not to share a life together with that person. You do this to feel good about yourself while rescuing them from their misery or pain. You are not the Holy Spirit.

You are lonely. Are you falling in love with this person because you love them? Or are you dating this person in the hope that they can fill that hollow emptiness you feel inside?

Pressure from family and friends. If you want to date before of the pressure from family and friends, you shouldn’t be in a relationship at that point. You’re being forced into the relationship by your overly concerned friends or family.

Trust issues. If you have been hurt by a couple of guys and you can’t seem to trust any guy. Do not get into any relationship. Trust is the foundation of a perfect relationship, so if you can’t learn to trust them, you definitely aren’t ready for a serious relationship with them.

Love is not a priority for you because you have to deal with your issues. It’s ok to put other things before a relationship, it’s ok to find yourself before coming into a relationship. All the issues that we develop over the years will never truly go away, they only become easier to deal with, to understand, and recognise. If you haven’t dealt with them, you aren’t ready.

You just want to get married. If a relationship to you is a ticket to marriage and children, you shouldn’t be in one.




#MySelfEsteemandI I can never be #Barbie

Most of us grew up wanting to be like Barbie or Ken. Barbie was the perfect girl, the epitome of beauty with her silky skin, her flat tummy, her well-sculptured ass, her long tan legs and her long blonde hair. Ken was our prince charming, the right height, the right smile, and goodness me! the right hair.

I grew up with this TRUTH at the back of my mind, so when I became a woman, I struggled with finding different techniques of how to be Barbie-like.

‘Girls shouldn’t be fat. You will have to constantly watch your weight if you want guys to flock around you.’ I saw this play out throughout my high school years. Guys would only go for the skinny ones, leaving the fat ones to wonder if they were worth it. There was a time during high school that I starved myself because I didn’t like how ‘fat’ I was. I starved myself so much that people didn’t recognise me.

I didn’t understand why people were always asking me to eat. I just wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be Barbie.

People still seem to believe that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. But, I disagree. I disagree because our hearts and minds have been subjected to someone’s definition of beauty from the time we were born. We grew up watching skinny movie stars; the skinniest seemed to get all the boys and all the movies.

The only way the world seemed to pardon your flaws was if you are extremely rich, then, you will be accepted into the circle of ‘beautiful’ or ‘handsome’.

I had always found fault in my body; I am sure most of you have.

You don’t have a flat stomach.

Your breasts aren’t perky enough.

Your breasts aren’t big enough.

Your thighs are too big.

Your hips aren’t as pronounced.

Your butt is too small.

Your butt is sculptured to perfection.

Your waist isn’t small enough.

Your pout isn’t visible enough.

My body isn’t desirable.

This was the TRUTH I lived with for a long time until I began to see myself the way Jesus sees me, this was my prison until He set me free and showed me how precious I am in His eyes.

For the first time in my life, I looked at a mirror on the 6th of February and I couldn’t find any fault in my body. My friend couldn’t understand why I would think that I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough so he asked me to stand in front of a mirror and highlight all my flaws.

For a few seconds I looked at myself and I was perfect, but I ran back to the familiar and listed all the FLAWS I had always listed. All the problems that have been engraved in my mind came flooding back to me.

He took his time to counter every flaw I thought I had a compliment for each part of me.

I want you to do the same.

Look in a mirror and list all the flaws you think you have.

When you are done with that, I want you to burn that list and give yourself a compliment for every flaw you wrote down.

From today, no more flaws, only compliments.


#LagosBeautyBlogger The Single Girl’s Guide To Waiting

For a long time, I felt that being single was a bad thing. I always assumed it was my fault that no guy wanted me. I wasn’t pretty enough. I wasn’t good enough to be wanted. My attitude was bad. A lot of negative thoughts ran through my head. It was always a dreadful time for me.

Surprise! I am going to be alone for a while. Not because I’m not good enough and all those all other reasons but because I am too fabulous for any guy to handle. Literally

I have come up with several ideas that ensure you treat every day as a day to celebrate love, self-love in general. Love for yourself, family, friends, and community.

Spoil yourself

It is perfectly natural to love yourself first right. So, bring out your master card, you are going to shop till you drop.


Work off those anxieties and feelings of insecurities.

Try something new

Challenge yourself to do something you haven’t done before. I have never gone carting before, I might just do that.

Spread love.

Love your neighbour as you love yourself. Express your love for the important people in your life. Take time out to write a heartfelt note to your parents and grandparents. These are the people that truly love you unconditionally, and they’d be so happy to hear from you.

Visit an orphanage

We get carried away with our wants and desires that we forget that some people don’t have as much as we do. Visit any orphanage near you. You don’t have to have a tonne of cash; you can have your friends donate to the orphanage.

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#MySelfEsteemandI Self Esteem and Self Care

Some of you might not understand how self-care comes to play when a person has low self-esteem. But, self-care is one of the most important aspects of growing your self-esteem. Self-esteem is all about how much value you place on yourself, taking care of yourself is one way to show how much you value yourself. Take for instance you just got a car; you will spend many hours cleaning that car because of the value you have attached to it. The car doesn’t have to be the most expensive, but because you have saved up for it. You automatically gave it special care.

Self-care can mean different things to different people in different professions, but it usually involves being aware of your own or your family’s health needs and knowing what actions to take to stay healthy.

Self-care is learned, purposeful and continuous. Self-care includes all the health decisions we make to ensure that we are physically and mentally fit. It involves practices such as exercising, eating well, practicing good hygiene, making healthy lifestyle choices, knowing if and when you should seek medical treatment and avoiding health hazards such as smoking and drinking to prevent ill health.

Self-care is also whichever action or behavior that we engage in to avoid triggering health problems and aids us by improving our mental and physical health.

In philosophy, self-care refers to the care and cultivation of self in a comprehensive sense, focusing in particular on the soul and the knowledge of self.

Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, here are the numerous ways you take care of that temple;

  • Groom yourself

Grooming is essential to self-care. You groom yourself by bathing regularly, brushing and flossing your teeth, and eating tasty and healthy food. When you take care of your basic needs, you are telling yourself you deserve the time and attention.

  • Use a mirror

A mirror is essential to self-care, it shows you where to adjust, and it is also your biggest fan. Ensure you wear clothes that fit you and your body type, and make sure that you’ve taken time with your appearance.

  • Dance around

I love to dance, even though I am not an excellent dancer, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I play my gospel hotlist. It is always amazing. Research shows that listening to music makes already positive emotions even more intense, and upbeat music in particular can do great things for your mood. So, only listen to songs that bring a smile to your face.

  • Fruits and vegetables

Your diet is an important part of self-care. Adding more fruits and veggies to our plate is a great way to practice self-care all throughout the day.

  • Exercise

Exercising daily can prevent chronic stress from damaging your health. Exercise does not have to be complicated. Start with small steps.

  • Massage

Your body needs it.

  • Get outside

Being in the outdoors makes me feel more alive. It can be as little as a walk on the beach, a visit to a park, or spending time with friends and family.

  • Be kind

Always be kind to everybody. We learn how to be kind to ourselves when we are kind to others.

  • Mediate

This book of the Law shall not depart from your heart; you shall mediate on it day and night. I have gotten this far because of how much or how many times I meditate on the Word of God, when negative thoughts come to my mind about how I am a failure, scriptures come alive in my heart, and I immediately give a shout of victory.

  • Sleep

Sleep is more important to your body’s ability to function properly than food or water. Your body repairs itself when you are sleeping deeply. Failing to get enough sleep impairs your body’s ability to function and, if severe enough can actually result in your system starting to break down.  Getting 7-9 hours of sound sleep every night can help you look and feel better. It can help you have a more positive attitude and more energy.

There are several benefits of self-care; I will highlight only the important ones. These are;

  • Your self-esteem improves
  • You build your self confidence
  • Self-care starts as a chore then you begin to love yourself.
  • You gain a fresh new perspective towards life, feeling positive.
  • You get the joy of time by being with yourself
  • You become a better care taker
  • You minimize any stress while increasing your overall health and well-being.
  • You feel healthy and good about your body.
  • Your soul feels at peace and remains in harmony with what’s going on around.
  • You begin to make informed decisions about your health.
  • You improve your quality of life.


#MySelfEsteemandI Self Confidence vs Self Esteem

The terms self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably when referring to how we feel about ourselves. Although they are very similar, they are two different concepts.

“Esteem” is derived from the Latin aestimare, meaning “to appraise, value, rate, weigh, and estimate.” Self-esteem refers to the value you see yourself having in the world. It is a reflection of how a person views himself.

“Confidence” comes from the Latin fidere, “to trust’’. Self-confidence is how you feel about your abilities; it is the belief that you can succeed at anything. Psychologists call it domain specific that is, it varies in situations. You can be confident about one area of your life, but totally unconfident about another. I am confident in my ability to write, I am not however confident when it comes to public speaking.

The good news is that self-confidence can be learned and built on. Confidence is built by taking action, trying new things and by going outside your comfort zone. Confidence is about facing obstacles knowing that ‘it is okay to fail’. Even though I was always frightened about public speaking, I always gave in my best whenever I was asked to give a speech, I am not perfect, but I am more confident.

When you are confident in areas of your life, you begin to increase your overall sense of esteem. I am constantly working on my self-worth because I want to be a more confident person. Confident people inspire confidence in others: their audience, their peers, their bosses, their customers, and their friends. I plan to help a lot of people, but I cannot do this successfully without helping myself.

There are a couple of tips I have used to build my confidence. Guess what? They can work for you also;

  • New Look

A new wardrobe does a lot of good for a person’s self confidence. Throw away the old clothes, but new pieces, if you don’t know what to buy, read my article on Style Tips and Rules.

  • Avoid perfectionism.

Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals. If you feel like everything has to be done perfectly, then you’ll never be truly happy with yourself or your circumstances.

  • Identify your talents

Itemize what you are good at, praise yourself for those things. Not only should you feel proud of your talents or your skills, but you should also think about the things that make your personality great.

  • Be patient

Self-confidence needs to be nurtured and grown, a bit at a time.

So, don’t accept failure. Never give up. Never accept failure. Try again until you achieve perfection

  • Be prepared

Read a lot. Ask a lot of questions. One way to build self-confidence is to know a lot about the field you are going into. It is also another way to Stay Stress Free in 2016

  • Praise yourself

Look at a great win or success you’ve experienced and give yourself credit for your part in it.  Recognizing your achievements is not egotistical, it’s healthy.

  • Shut the voice up

Don’t listen to the voice that always insists on ‘I CAN’T’. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Read Giants In My Head to learn how to put a stop to the negative voice

  • It’s okay to be wrong

Confidence sometimes means admitting you’re wrong, it doesn’t make you stupid; it just means you are human.

A confident person isn’t shy to ask for help. No man is an island, you need to tap from other people’ wisdom once in a while.

People with high self-esteem and self-confidence treat themselves with respect and take care of their health, community, and environment. They are able to invest themselves completely in projects and people because they do not fear failure or rejection. They never allow their setbacks damage them. They are open to growth experiences and meaningful relationships, are tolerant of risk, quick to joy and delight, and are accepting and forgiving of themselves and others.

Image Source Instagram

#MySelfEsteemandI HELP! I am OBSESSED with Weight Loss

I need to lose weight. I walk up every morning and the first thing I do is to check the scale. I probably should throw the scale away, but it makes me sane in a way. I need to lose ten kg; I do not think I will ever be satisfied till I lose ten kg.

Many people want to lose weight for different reasons but, I want to lose weight because I want to look and feel good. People who are slimmer (especially my sister) receive compliments from family and friends and I believe this improves her self-esteem, I on the other hand am bigger than my sister, so I get advise on how to lose weight.

Overweight people have (and I know will) always be criticized for being fat. For most of them the criticism has had a negative impact on their self-esteem and sometimes it may even cause depression. While a select few see the criticism has nothing. We hear hurtful words like “you swallowed your husband”, “amoeba”, “you are ugly”, and “we don’t have your size”. This hurts.

I eat a lot, I eat when I am bored, and I eat when I am stuffed. I had to learn to exercise, even with that, I don’t do the tasking ones, I just power walk. I do not have the will power to jump up and down.

I have recently come to a conclusion. I do not need to work on perfecting myself. I have found that it can be self-defeating, and a big waste of time. Perfection is a myth. It doesn’t exist in the real world and it certainly doesn’t exist in human appearance. I have decided to reject society’s impossible standards of female beauty and praise myself for who I am and where I am.

You can do the same with these steps;

  • It is not your genes

I always blamed my genes for my excess fat. We have fat people in my family, so it was so easy. The fact that some people in my family are ‘big boned’ doesn’t give me an excuse to be obese. Though genes play a part in your body shape and your susceptibility to gain weight, it is still you who makes the decisions on what to eat and how much you work out. Don’t let the people around you stop you from being healthy.

  • Work on your self esteem

The respect we have for ourselves is closely tied to how we treat ourselves, how we treat our bodies, and how we allow others to treat us in relationships. Read my blog on how I raised my self-esteem.

  • Start an affirmation journal

Each morning, take 5 minutes to fill up a page of a medium-sized journal with 2 positive affirmations about yourself. Be guided by the person you want to be. If you feel heavy and unattractive, write in your journal, “I am fit and lovely.”

  • Eat food

There were times I would starve myself because I wanted to lose weight, not anymore. Feed yourself good food. Nourish your body with the foods nature intended for us to eat. Eat healthy foods.

  • Exercise

Exercise is meant to be fun. Don’t feel down if you aren’t excessively skinny; love every single curve you are born with.

  • Banish negative thoughts

You’re okay just as you are. You are a unique person, capable and loveable, with special talents and strengths, with inner wisdom and creativity, a human being of value. Honor your character, talents and achievements.

  • Your size is okay

Your body is okay. Your size is okay. Except it poses health challenges for you, then you can try to change. Exercise is meant to keep you healthy not obsessively thin. You can change the way you see your body by speaking positive things to yourself. Your weight is not a measure of your self-worth. Accepting this can give you freedom.

  • Don’t linger in the past

Move on. You may have been skinny in the past, now you aren’t. Embrace the new you.

If people made fun of you because you were fat, shake it off. It is not particularly easy, but holding on to the thoughts actually kill you the more.

Never let any past experience pull you down but instead see it as a motivation to be better at anything.

  • Praise your progress

If you notice that you lost a pound, give yourself a pat in the back and say “I DID GREAT!” Losing weight is definitely not as easy as it may sound so every progress (big or small) that you achieved should be recognized.


LagosBeautyBlogger How to Stay Stress Free in #2016

People with low self-esteem are usually under a lot of stress because we always feel we have to ‘prove themselves to others’. The way you feel about yourself, your self-esteem, impacts your happiness level, and also can make life more or less stressful for you. Stress may worsen the symptoms of almost all medical and emotional conditions. People suffering from depression, mood disorders, or other conditions that result in low self-esteem, may end up suffering more from stress and less able to manage day-to-day stresses.

When the body is physically and emotionally healthy, it is much easier to live with stress. Persons with low self-esteem cannot be said to be emotionally healthy, so it affects the way we handle the challenges that invariably come with daily living and therefore increases our experience of stress.

The symptoms of stress are:

  • Tiredness and exhaustion
  • loss of confidence
  • depression
  • lack of ambition
  • inability to sleep
  • problems making decisions
  • feeling helpless

These few tips will help you handle stress better this year.

  • Live and enjoy the present.
  • Say No to things you don’t want to do.
  • Work on your self-esteem.
  • Channel great thoughts towards the future.
  • Make realistic expectations for the Year.
  • Set achievable goals for yourself.
  • Do not take on more responsibilities than you can handle. Slow and steady.
  • Prioritize the important activities on your list.
  • Know what you can and cannot do.
  • Do not put all your energy into planning one activity; you won’t be able to plan other activities.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others; don’t envy what other people have.
  • Make sure you visit family. Spend time with supportive and caring people.
  • Try something new this year. You might just find yourself.
  • Reach out and make new friends.
  • Make time for yourself!
  • Keep track of your spending, I propose you have a budget and a book where you document all you have spent so you don’t go over.

Talk to me about your self-esteem issues


Image Source Instagram

How I Mentally Prepared To Transition To Natural Hair

I am gradually associating myself with the natural hair gang. Lol! I haven’t added any chemical to my hair in almost eight months, it hasn’t been easy however, coupled with the fact that I have to always think of weaves that won’t show the roots of my hair. But, apart from that, there are mental preparations you have to do as well. This post will focus on those mental aspects.

Address your fears

I think one thing about transitioning is how your loved ones will take it. Will my family support me, will guys like it, will my boyfriend like this, will I still experience pain as I did when I was younger etc. These fears are normal, everyone will love your hair. I also struggled with that foe a while, so I didn’t tell anymore, just the stylists and guess what they said. They discouraged me, told me it would hurt and all that, but I remained steadfast and it’s almost eight months.

Patience is your friend.

So when I read that it takes a year to transition from relaxed to natural hair. I almost had a nervous breakdown! A year! I almost went for the big chop, but I just couldn’t, low cut isn’t my friend. I have had to learn patience with my relaxed hair. My hair is beginning to shrink by the way, and I am so excited. It seems my patience is wearing off.

Keep Your Hands Out Of Your Hair!

Don’t tamper with your hair a lot during this transitioning phase. I do believe it reduces the breakage that will eventually happen. I make my hair once a month, yes, I only fix my weaves and wash it once month because the more I see the relaxed hair; the more tempted I am to add chemicals to it. Keep your hands off it!

No pain No Gain

Sometimes it will hurt to make your hair especially when you are transitioning. But, no pain no gain. Stick it out for a few months and it will pay off in the end.

Image Source Instagram