I’m Olayemi and this is new for me, but no harm done in sharing right? I’m twenty one years old, a barrister and I have a self-esteem the size of a pea. I try to cover it up by keeping a total “ice-face” so people don’t get the opportunity to come close and end up saying something I won’t like.
Call it my defense-mechanism. Most people think I’m stuck up or proud because of that but, it is not true.
I am very sensitive. The moment someone tells me that I have added weight or mentions my butt-size. I go ballistic. It’s been really tough fitting in with endowed girls aka girls with big booty. My sister is skinny with just the right figure and I am just there with nothing but big boobs and a big tummy.
I don’t even like having prettier friends or voluptuous girls as friends. I have always wanted to be a pear shape but I was born to be an apple. For those who don’t know, it means that all the fat is stored in my belly and my back. This makes for a funny-looking figure. I also sweat so much that it bothers me!
Pretty isn’t even a word I use to describe myself despite the “so-called compliments”, so I just smile and say thank you when I get one. I try to lose weight. It never seems to help because the little ass I have goes down too.
I can smell fake from miles away, so compliments from guys don’t get to me like that, but it doesn’t mean I don’t crave attention and the need to feel wanted by a guy. I just don’t show it so I don’t appear weak and needy. (I guess I have a little ego)
Whenever I am faced with a challenge, I run before I even begin or think of beginning because I am always in doubt about the things I can do and achieve.
I’m hoping that things get better as I continue reading your blog and I know that when you’re in Christ everything becomes easy but I’m sort of still in the “Lord, help me today. And tomorrow Lord I’m good by myself now” stage. I pray about that every day. This isn’t the bulk of my story but I hope it goes a long way and people with low self-esteem realize they aren’t alone and that it gets better with time.