My Self Esteem and I

My name is Adebanke. I am a creative writer at Lagos Beauty Blog and I suffered from low self-esteem. For as long as I can remember, I never felt beautiful. In fact, I was an ugly duckling to myself. I compared myself to everyone. My mum, my sisters, my cousin and anyone I could find. I was disgusted with myself. I hated my hair, despised my body and most especially detested my feet. I felt God added to His hatred for me by giving me the most massive and ugly feet.

I was quite tall for a girl. Some people even described me as huge. I don’t remember ever being a size six or eight. From the time I was thirteen, I was using a size twelve. My size in trousers, tops and shoes was forty-four. That was big!

Whenever it came to buying shoes for school, I was always depressed. We would go from store to store with diminishing hopes. I always ended up buying the ugly boyish shoes while my mates had the girly and petite shoes. I was embarrassed by my feet. One would think that with all these going for me, I would at least have had big boobs. That was the worst really. I had very small boobs for my size. My classmates never seemed to get enough jokes out of it.

To crown it all, I have the biggest nose anyone I could remember or think of at that time had. They even composed a song for me. Largely because of this, I never enjoyed secondary school. I seemed to have sunk into a pit of despair and the chains of low self-esteem were digging deeper into my skin.

I never felt I was good enough. I had always felt as if something was missing, like I was incomplete. So it was easy to cling to any guy that came by. I didn’t think I was beautiful enough to have any other guy. The danger with this kind of thinking was that I always got along with the bad boys. The ones that would toy with my heart and leave me for dead. The ones that would lie to me knowing fully well I will not believe any other person. I can go on and on, but then you will miss the point.

My self-esteem got so low that any time a business idea came to my mind, I would shove it aside. I would always remember a friend of mine that was doing or had done it for a living. I would give myself a thousand reasons why I would embarrass myself if I delved into the same business. So I was stuck with looking for a job. Looking for jobs that would not require too much mental tasks because I knew that I wasn’t ‘good enough’ for the high end jobs.

According to NHS.UK, self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. When we have healthy self-esteem, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. It makes us able to deal with life’s ups and downs better. When our self-esteem is low, we tend to see ourselves and our life in a more negative and critical light. We also feel less able to take on the challenges life throws at us.

Low self-esteem often begins in childhood. Teachers, friends, siblings, parents, and even the media give us lots of messages – both positive and negative. But for some reason, the negative messages are the ones that stick.

You may have found it difficult to live up to other people’s expectations of you, or to your own expectations of yourself. Stress and difficult life events, such as serious illness or a bereavement might have had a negative effect on your self-esteem. Personality can also play a part. Some of us are simply more prone to negative thinking, while others set impossibly high standards for themselves.

I let a lot of opportunities pass me by because I didn’t believe in myself. But, I will no sooner let that happen to me than I would let it happen to you.

I haven’t completely shaken away the feeling that I am not good enough. It is an everyday battle and I hope we overcome it together. This blog was created mainly for the purpose of redefining your view of yourself. I love applying makeup and all that but for the longest time I never felt good with myself. People always complimented me but I always felt ugly.

Makeup can only work on the outside. I also want to help you work on the inside.

Please feel free to submit articles on how you overcame your low self esteem and if you haven’t overcome it, I am here to help.

Email me thelagosbeautyblogger@gmail.com

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20 thoughts on “My Self Esteem and I

  1. Everyone needs to read this, Self esteem is a major topic. I had such issues with my height back then not as serious as this but I walk tall everyday even in the midst of very tall people. I had to stand up to bullies and anyone who tried to take me for a ride cos I was short. I later got to understand one thing about life, people only want to bring you down cos they see something in you that you don’t see. Remember, they want you to do good but not better than them. Even the Bible says, as a man thinks so is he. Don’t let no one bring you down, you’re all you’ve got. You only miss out on opportunities and get to blame yourself at the end. Be strong and very courageous. Positive vibes only!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You can’t even begin to imagine how glad I am that I found this post. For a while now, I’ve been scouring the internet trying to find a blog where people with low self-esteem come together and share their experiences. Finding this is such a relief.

    I could totally relate to your story (except maybe for the feet and tits part). It was like I was reading my own story. I’ll be 23 in a couple of months, and my battle with low self-esteem is still ongoing. Although I think I can trace mine to its roots, this has not in anyway helped. If anything, I think it has made it even harder.

    By far the hardest part of the journey has been not being able to talk to anyone about it. Family and friends are out of the question. I feel like they’ll think i’m just seeking attention, so I’ve decided to bottle it all in. On several occasions I’ve looked for contact details of therapists on the Internet, but I have come to realize that we are are not very big on those in this part of the world.

    The depression part hasn’t been a lot of fun either.

    Hopefully, you’ll open a new blog dedicated specifically to low self-esteem where more people like me can share experiences and overcome our issues together.

    Thank you very much for this post.

    P.S
    I’m a guy and I think you’re really pretty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hiiiii

      Thank you so much for reaching. I just realized that I want this blog to be totally dedicated to people with low self esteem. I want us to be able to share stories and help ourselves.

      Please share your story with me.

      Thank you for the compliment 😊😊

      Like

  3. Everybody suffers from low esteem to varying degrees at different stages in their lives. Bankus thank you for being a leader and moderating this project to defeat our common enemy of low self esteem. And I’m sure you now know that you’re beautiful. Very.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. While I agree that almost everyone feels some sort of insecurity every once in a while, low self-esteem for some people is not a phase. It is a reality they have to deal with every day of their life. They constantly feel like they are not good and will never be good enough for anything.

      I think this distinction needs to be made clear.

      Like

  4. Oh my goodness! Bankus, where have you been all these while…we should’ve been twins you know. I’m so happy someone sent me this link, waoh!! I know & understand the feeling my dear,i totally resonate with everything you shared. The frustration with big feet(oh how I get so embarrassed whenever my mum takes me shoe shopping) ,from age 13 I’ve never worn a dress size smaller than 14 , can you beat that. Is it the big nose,hhmmnn…that was our family trademark but I seem to be the only person that took all the sizes and added to mine…lol. With men,even at a very young age,all sweet talks I heard from one I clinged to cos I thought it was true love until they got what they came for & zoom…off they went. I am where I am now cos I’ve never felt capable of achieving anything worthwhile.
    Anyways,i thank God for discovering me when he did, I’m eternally grateful to him for taking me just as I am. Like you said,it’s still an ongoing battle and we’ll surely overcome and turn out victorious. I’m definitely watching out for your blogs from now on, keep sharing,you are inspiring someone….ME. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Whaoo…. Adebanke, almost shedding tears reading your experience… I have walk through that road so I can imagine what you passed through..

    Though mine was quite different but in the same way I never felt good about myself combined with my shyness and introverted nature but when I started learning the word of God at the age of 14 things started getting better, reading books and other empowering materials.

    Attending seminars and trainings and engaging in mentoring program has helped a lot, I am much better now though my shy nature is still there but I feel so good about myself now that I was able to lead and teach fellow corpors.now am looking for every opportunity to encourage others to become the best God has created to be.

    The first battle to overcome in low self esteem is internal, if you can feel good about yourself WITHIN then you can can feel good about yourself WITHOUT.

    I will contact you

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Low self esteem is common among human being,introverts mostly have low self esteem.many of them may not be aware of these,as a matter of fact i used to be a introvert right from childhood n i tink havin a low esteem or high esteem depends on how those who we look u to be it our parents,guardians or elders treated us when we were kids…Abusing a child n always telling that child how he is not good enough kills his self esteem n he will grow up havin a low esteem unlike a child who was encouraged to do better when he failed at smtyn.I used to have a low esteem but now i have really improved
    I tink being postive n sacarstic helps

    Like

  7. Hi! I shared your post on twitter.. Immediately sm1 shared it on my tl, I had to read your post. I am 21, a lawyer with a great future ahead(ihope and pray) and still battling with low self-esteem.. I really hope it gets better. Sometimes I call myself beautiful just as a front so others will stop saying they are tired of telling me I am. Its that bad.. Imagine saying sometin n not even believing it urself.. Started when my mum said I dint ve a big butt like her lol. From then I discovered I had this ugly apple shape.. (Sorry I’m not used to complimenting myself)but I know I’ll get better. I have to.. For me. so I can harness the potential God has bestowed inside of me. I’m always scared of doing everything but so far God has been faithful to me inspite of my complaints.. Thank you so much for starting this blog. God bless you!

    Like

  8. Banke… I’m surprised because I would not have imagined u with low self esteem.. knew u as the pretty quiet gal in isl
    I think we all suffer that at some point.. I had my own fair share.
    Felt soo fat and all… didn’t believe I was actually very pretty with a badass shape.

    now i am a size 16 toh bad with annoying stretch marks that decide to tattoo my arms(of all places)… I refuse to go out or wear sleeveless.

    Looking back I realise I was a size 10/12 when I felt like yokozuna.

    But the truth is, every day I go out and people compliment.. even kids and married ones. Those that can’t tell me, tell whoever I’m with

    Recently, I was with Le boo at his uncles’… d lil boy of 5 or so came to whisper to me. He said “Aunty u are soo pretty and beautiful, no wonder uncle..likes u”

    I run away from a lot of things because I feel I may not get it right But when I decide to do them, I perfect it.

    Like

    1. I guess what people think of you doesn’t really matter if you don’t believe it. People say that I was pretty but I didn’t believe. I just felt fat

      Like

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